Hey Mike
I knew we'd get to the root of this!
So your problem with using tile is the age old grout issue. 1st today with a well constructed wall, you would use cement backer board or Schluter Kerdi system (or similiar). One of those two products under the tile will resolve most grout issue scenarios.
Next would be a thinset installation of tile vs. glue out of a bucket.
Staying then with a traditional cementitious grout (now polymer modified), and followed up with sealing the grout joints, good caulk at the perimeters, and the proper maintenance chemicals and/or procedures; you would end up with a non grout issue, without the need to use epoxy grout.
You would be much happier in the long run, should you decide to use ceramic tile. Plus, the selections available today are phenomenal!