Welcome, David.
Presuming you have already evaluated your joist structure and found it to meet at least the minimum L/360 deflection requirement:
1. Schluter allows the installation of Ditra Heat over single layer nominal 3/4" OSB over 19.2" joist spacing. Keep in mind that the testing for that was done using new materials, in near perfect condition, near perfectly installed over joists with zero deflection. And the test need pass only once. If you're comfortable with your installation meeting the subfloor deflection requirements, use that method.
Your estimates of mortar thickness under the membrane and under the tiles are more than I think you'll actually have.
Potential for cracked tile or grout is no greater than if you were using smaller tiles.
2. I'm always in favor of a second layer of subflooring (it's not really an underlayment), but I find that nominal 1/2" is my minimum thickness because the available nominal 3/8ths" material is seldom flat enough to be useful. Up to you.
Transitions to adjacent hardwood are among the easiest to make, and I don't think you would find a half-inch rise to be troublesome in use.
Transitions to padded carpet are also rather simple, using cedar shingles or similar tapered products to ramp the carpet up to the tile. Done regularly.
My opinion; worth price charged.