Ceramic Tile Advice Forums - John Bridge Ceramic Tile

Welcome to John Bridge / Tile Your World, the friendliest DIY Forum on the Internet


Advertiser Directory
JohnBridge.com Home
Buy John Bridge's Books

Go Back   Ceramic Tile Advice Forums - John Bridge Ceramic Tile > Tile & Stone Forums > The Mud Box

Sponsors


Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Unread 02-01-2008, 07:19 PM   #61
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
Sarge and Lt. Linda # 3



Those that have been following the soap opera, know that Sarge and Lt. Linda met through the PWP (Parents without Partners)

In the local chapter that they belonged too was a guy named Ray. Ray was everything that a woman didn't want in a man. (this is his actual name and if it is someone else's name there is no connection) Disgusting, obscene, dirty and he drooled while stared at the women. Ray's only claim to fame was his money. He had lots and he would host the PWP committee meetings and cater them with a expensive meal.

Now on the other hand there was Sarge. Hard working committee member. Diligently trying to keep all lonely females happy. Sarge's job on the committee was to do the screening of new members and also he made the announcements at club meetings. So if anyone needed info they called Sarge.

And the phone rings....................

It is little Linda. One of the anouncements had been about a wedding between two club members, another about a committee meeting at Ray's house. Linda asks "Hey you crazy Indian, are you going to that wedding?" "I didn't write down the address." "Sure am Little Linda let me get my notes." DRUMMMMMMM ROLLLLLLL

And Sarge makes a mistake. .......He accidently gives Little Linda, Ray's address..........

VIOLINSSSSS..............

Move to Sat. morning. Sarge is squinting at his notes as he drives to Mariposa Street, on his way to the wedding. As he turns the corner, he see's Ray's house ahead and Little Linda's car at the curb. She is knocking at the door. "KOWABUNGA!!!!!" SHOUTS Sarge. He realizes he has made a TERRIBLE mistake!!!. Giving the White Elephant the gas he roars up the street and slides to stop at the curb. ....Too Late.....

Little Linda's knock has brought the dreaded Ray to the door, where she says brightly, "I am here for the wedding!" Ray, being of twisted mind thinks she is proposing and yells YES!, grabs little Linda by the hand and catapults her into the house! Sarge see's this as he sprints to the door only to have it slam in his face and the evil Ray cackling from behind it. Throwing himself at the door Sarge screams "Ray, it is a mistake!!" Little Linda screams in the background and Sarge beats and kicks at the door. From behind the door the evil Ray yell's "I have a baseball bat and I know how to use it!" Sarge throws himself at the door again splintering the lock. The evil Ray grabs the bat with both hands and takes a swing at Sarge's head.

Little Linda now turned loose wastes no time in escaping through the patio door. Sarge catches a glimpse of her running like an Olympic Sprinter around the end of the house. Ducking the ball bat he leaps off the porch and demonstrates his own free style cross country running. As he passes Linda on the way to the car he yell's "Follow me!"

And even though Sarge has just sent her to a fate worse than death ......she does it. she follows him. As Sarge drives away down Mariposa, he thinks to him self, "My God this girl is dumb enough to marry me!"

And to this day whenever Sarge and Lt. Linda are going to meet to go somewhere and she asks, "Where shall we meet?" Sarge will quip, "Meet me on Mariposa street"

Next Saga about Sarge popping the QUESTION.

See you there.

Sarge
__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-01-2008, 07:23 PM   #62
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
Hmmm...can't seem to find the story of Sarge "Poppin' The Question." Meybe he'll stop in and give us the final chapter....

__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 05:02 PM   #63
sarge257
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 39
Sarge pops the Question

In our last Saga (# 3) Sarge had decided that Little Linda was wife material. Her being trusting, cute and had the sweetest southern accent. So Sarge and Linda's two daughters went shopping and picked out a wedding ring set. Now it just remained to pick the proper time to pop the QUESTION. And Sarge being Sarge wouldn't pick just any old day to ask a question as important as that................
We move to the Thursday night PWP meeting.
This is the layout.
The PWP Club meeting is in the banquet room of an local night club. A large room that will sit over one hundred people. And tonight there is a record crowd of about 125 members.
We find Sarge up on the stage making announcements. At the front table sits Little Linda. Ray the horrible zooms in and sits at Linda's table. After the mistake in Saga # 3, Ray considers himself engaged to Little Linda. Linda moves around the table to the far side away from Ray the drooler. The other women in the club look at Little Linda in astonishment. "Why would she let someone like Ray sit with her?" Their looks of contempt flood the room. Poor Little Linda struggles to maintain her brave front, but tears ooze from her blue eyes. She looks to Sarge up on the stage but he just drones on about another announcement after another.. "Won't anyone rescue her" she silently cries.
Then Sarge stops talking and the silence causes all heads to turn to the stage

"I have one more announcement to make but I need some help with it." Sarge announces to everyone's focussed attention. "Linda would you come up here and help me?" Little Linda gives Sarge a look that says "Now what are you getting me into?"
But she reluctantly moves up on the stage and stands next to Sarge.
"Now" says Sarge "Before I make this announcement I will have to ask Linda a question"
And with that Sarge turns to Linda and says, "Linda will you marry me?" Little Linda has a look of surprise on her face, but shyly murmurs "yes"
The audience strains to hear her reply. Sarge pushes the microphone closer to Linda's beautiful lips and whispers, "Say it louder" Little Linda looks at Sarge, then looks down at Ray, drooling. That decides her and she burst out with Yes! Yes!, Yes!.
The crowd leaps to their feet and 125 voices cheer and clap. Sarge reaches into his pocket and pulls out the ring box and slips the engagement ring, he and the girls picked out,.on Little Linda's finger. They return to Linda's table where Sarge tells Ray to take a hike and he slinks off.

Saga # 5 coming up. The Wedding.
sarge257 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 05:11 PM   #64
sarge257
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 39
Saga #5 The Wedding (Sarge and Lt. Linda)

Sarge and Lt. Linda's wedding:
Our scene:
Sarge has popped the question and Little Linda has accepted.
They are engaged. Now months later Sarge is discussing the wedding plans.
and Linda says; "I can't marry you!"
"What?" says Sarge, astonished at her comment. "Wait a minute, I thought, you said, we planned, I mean, " he mumbled while his mind raced to think of what he had done wrong. "But , But, But" Sarge protested.
It's not you." Linda quickly replies, "It's Glenn Sr my ex-husband," "He had it put in the divorce papers that the day I remarried I owe him half the value of the house." "We have been trying to sell that house for 4 months now and their are no takers." Little Linda stiffled a sob and moved into Sarge's arms.
"There there, honey we'll work something out. Trust Sarge, I'll come up with something."
Two more months went by and still the house was unsold.
Undaunted Sarge began to smile a lot and even whistle a tune now and then.
Finally one week he pulled Linda aside so the kids couldn't hear and asked her if Glenn Sr. had the kids this weekend.
"Yes" She answered puzzled.
Sarge then whispered in her pretty ear, "Pack a bag, honey, and keep it hidden in the closet. We are going to elope this weekend."
Little Linda's eyes opened wide, and she said in astonishment, "Just one bag for the whole weekend and my wedding too?"
"OK OK " groused Sarge. "Two bags but get them ready for Friday night."
Friday night came and the kids were loaded into the White Elephant (our Van) and off to their real Dad's house.
5 pm-----Drop kids off for the weekend at Glenn Sr, house.
5:30pm--Sarge and Little Linda arrive at Denver Airport.
9:30pm--Sarge and Linda arrive at Las Vegas, NV,
0800am--Saturday Sarge and Linda are at the head of the line as Las Vegas City Hall opens up. Papers are filled out and stamped.
0900am--Hand in hand Sarge and Little Linda walk down the street to the little White Chapel on the corner.
0930am--Sarge and Little Linda are joined in Holy Wedlock, in sickness or health, till death do us part. Sarge kisses the bride. Bride plants a hurried up kiss on Sarge, grabs his hand and drags him out the door and up the street. "WOW" thinks Sarge, "She sure is anxious to get back to the Hotel and consumate this wedding. HOT DOG!" Trotting along behind Little Linda, Sarge notices that they have already passed the front door of the Hotel.
"HEY where are you going? The bed is back there!" shouts Sarge.
"The heck with the bed, we are going to the slot machines. Get a move on it soldier!" Yells Little Linda.
See you in Saga # 6 folks.
sarge257 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 05:40 PM   #65
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
Love it, Sarge. Haden't seen this one before~ Waiting for the outcome!
__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 09:12 PM   #66
Hamilton
Bucket abuser
 
Hamilton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Wildomar Ca
Posts: 9,177
Good stories Sarge. Are these really real life experiences or are you an
aspiring writer? Ive put them all together so none will get lost. I suggest
bookmarking this thread and posting similar stories here...please, it will
save me from doing the same work again.
If i missed any send me a link and i will add them. The merge thread automatically
places them in chronological so it can be done any time.
__________________
Jack Hamilton

Hamiltontileandstone.com

Temecula Tile and Natural stone contractor
Hamilton is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 09:20 PM   #67
Marge
Registered User
 
Marge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14,636
Jack, great idea.

I was curious too about whether these are drawn on personal experiences or......
__________________
Marge------
Marge is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 09:28 PM   #68
kate42
Just a friend
 
kate42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,601
Quote:
"The heck with the bed, we are going to the slot machines. Get a move on it soldier!" Yells Little Linda.
Yeah, Linda.
__________________
Kathleen

"If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world."
~Chinese Proverb
kate42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-02-2008, 10:26 PM   #69
sarge257
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 39
POP the Question

Strange as it may seem these are real incidents and an accurate history of Sarge and Lt. Linda. I started writing up my life experiences after my father died. He had so many stories he told us kids about our family and of the things he did. But alas he could not write or read. So he just passed our family history on by his spoken stories. I started just writing of the stories Dad had told us and then it hit me that a lot of my life I had never told my modern kids. Who find more fun watching television than listening to their father tell stories. (we had no TV in our days) So I decided that I would get all the life stories down and some day my kids would sit down with their kids and read them. And in that way they would know what their sire did in his life and why he did some things the way he did them. I try to include the good and the bad so as to give an accurate picture of their father, who is not perfect. Maybe some day I will find a publisher and self publish the complete book of Sarge saga's.
I was a lucky boy to have good parents and parents that could see the humorous side of a hard world. That has helped me and it shows up in my stories..
Sarge
sarge257 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2008, 12:38 PM   #70
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
Sarge~The "Lost In The Woods Guy."

Another Hunting story; Most everyone reading this post knows I teach Hunter Safety and also that I am a Army Veteran. One of the programs I pay very strict attention to in both the Army and the Civilian life is the Survival training.
Why? Because I am always getting lost.
It was back in Missouri, the scene of many of my crimes. I was deer hunting (rifle season this time) and found nothing on my brother-in-laws farm so decided to hop the fence and start hunting in the Ozark National forest. I had been in this area only a few times but was confident I couldn't get lost.
WRONG.
I was walking along and saw a rather strange tree. It was shaped like the letter Y and looked for all the world like a sling shot. Looking at it and thinking 'what a sling shot that would make heh heh,' I walked on and about an hour or so later I came around a hill and there was a tree that looked like a sling shot.
Holy Moly I thought.
The place is full of those sling shot tees. But just because I had a hunch, I went up to the tree and taking out my hunting knife I cut on the bark a big X, and then continued hunting. Two hours later I was really pooped and had decided to go home when I came around this hill and there was a third slingshot tree! I went up to it and checked and sure enough there was my X knife cut. I had a real bad feeling I was going around in a circle.

So drawing on my extensive Army survival training I came up with a plan. In the Missouri Ozarks the roads are almost always on the ridges and hills, cause the valleys are full of rivers and flooding cricks. So my plan was to only go up hill and eventually I would come to a road and then I would be saved.
Trudging up a hill I saw some boards on a tree. Ah Ha! boards meant civilization and I am saved! I went up to the tree and looked around thinking to find a barn or path or house.
Nothing.
Taking a closer look at the boards I discovered a telephone mounted on the boards. A plain old black wall type telephone. "Well," I thought, "this is a National Forest so this must be a Forest Ranger phone. I will pick it up and Ranger Rick will answer and he will tell me how to get home." So I picked up the phone.
NO Ranger Rick. Just a dial tone.
Now I do not know about the rest of you guys but I rarely use the phone and I don't keep a long list of telephone numbers memorized and stored in deep reaches of my brain. So the 1st of 2 telephone numbers I remember was my own. So I called home. And Linda answered.
"Hi Honey, this is Sarge, I might be a little late getting home cause I am lost in the woods." I explained.
Silence.
"You see I got lost but I found this phone out here in the woods so I thought I would call you and tell you that I was lost and would be late finding my way out of the woods."
"My brother talked you into stopping at a bar, didn't he?" she replied.
"No, Honey, honest, I am somewhere in the Ozark National forest and I am lost but I found this phone and................. click.
She hung up on me.
So drawing from my vast unused but with good potential, memory I drug up the other phone number that I had memorized. I dialed operator.
And she answered "Operator, may I help you?"
"Yes operator, I'm a hunter, see, and I am lost in the Ozark National Forest, and if you could look up and tell me where this phone is then I would know where I am and then I would not be lost." I replied. Long silence....
"I beg your pardon?" she answered.
"Lady do you know where this phone is?" I asked again.
"No!" she answered.
"Then how come you answered it!" I hollered! and she hung up.....
Well things were getting real serious. I had just bolo'd out on all the phone numbers I knew and... Wait a minute, maybe there is a phone book around here. I looked and looked and nothing. No phone book! Darn I figured if I could find a phone book then I would call up a Pizza place and order a pizza delivered and then ride back with the Pizza guy.
So what to do? Think Think, telephone telephone, telephone cord? Cord??? That is IT!! This thing must be connected to something. I looked around behind the boards and sure enough, there was the wire. It went up into the tree branches and up and up and then it jumped to another tree.
I followed.
A quarter a mile later it came out on a highway. Happy? I guess you know I was. I was saved!! I was not lost anymore! But I still didn't know where the heck I was. So I used my survival skills again. From my pocket I pulled a direction finding device. Flipping it into the air it came down heads, so I went down the road to the left. And I walked and walked and finally about sundown I found the Lake of the Ozarks. Which meant that I was now 17 miles from my brother-in-laws farm. If I had gone to the right I would have been home by now. RATS Nothing but to do but turn around and start walking north. About 11:30 pm that night I finally came trudging up the farm lane, and.... found the drive way full of police cars, trucks with horse trailers behind them, a whole gang of rescuers. My brother-in-law came running up to me. Your safe, your OK, you're not lost. (he was worried about some money I owed him I am sure)
"Yes," I replied "And if you weren't so cheap and had a telephone put in I could have called you from out in the woods!" He just stared at me and motioned a EMT paramedic to come over quickly.
Sounds like a happy ending but there is more. The next day I talked my nephew and my buddy that was hunting with us, into going with me to find the telephone. (nobody else believed me but these two) (dumb)So we drove the road for hours until I found where the telephone lines came out to the pole. Then we back tracked them and sure enough, there was my telephone on the tree. HA HA. We took pictures, of me holding the phone to my ear and then of everyone on the phone. Lots of pictures. I show them unbelievers!!
I could hardly wait to get back. I told everyone about my telephone, My wife still looked questioning and everyone at work laughed and made a funny sign with their finger in a circle on the side of their head. Three days later I went by the store and no pictures. They had lost my pictures! A week later, still no pictures. By now no one would set with me in the company cafeteria. My wife was crying every night and no one seem to believe me no matter what I said. Finally three weeks later I got a call and they had found my pictures.
I showed them to everyone. Even people on the streets that I walked by. Vindicated! Actually most of my best friends believed me and would comment, "Only Sarge could find a phone in the middle of a forest" or some sort of friendly, jokeingly, smart alec statement. (you will have to remember that this happened before there was such a thing as a cell phone.) But that was just one of the many times I got lost, I will tell you some more some time. The end.
Sarge the lost in the woods guy
__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2008, 12:59 PM   #71
Hamilton
Bucket abuser
 
Hamilton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Wildomar Ca
Posts: 9,177
Ok Sarge, now you gotta scan that pic and post it cause i wanna see it!
__________________
Jack Hamilton

Hamiltontileandstone.com

Temecula Tile and Natural stone contractor
Hamilton is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2008, 04:15 PM   #72
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
Matter of fact, I've never seen it either! C'mon Sarge.....
__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2008, 04:53 PM   #73
kate42
Just a friend
 
kate42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,601
Sarge

Please, please.
__________________
Kathleen

"If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world."
~Chinese Proverb
kate42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-03-2008, 09:47 PM   #74
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
Just occurred to me, Sarge is finishing up some work in Alaska and won't be back to Colorado for a bit. I imagine it might take a while to dig up, scan and post the pitcher for us......oh well, patience is a virtue.

__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-04-2008, 05:48 PM   #75
Lazarus
Texas Tile Contractor
 
Lazarus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 8,726
PS~

Heard from Sarge. Said that somewhere there were pics of the phone in the woods, but he has to look hard to find 'em. Promised he'll try when he gets back home.
__________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
Lazarus is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Stonetooling.com   Tile-Assn.com   National Gypsum Permabase


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:17 AM.


Sponsors

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2018 John Bridge & Associates, LLC