http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epZod2qyyN4
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I am too old to track down
terrorists. You cannot be older than 42 to join the military. They have the
whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old
people. You should not be able to join a military unit until you are at
least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old people only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young people have not lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
is a dangerous soldier. My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.
We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately
deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.
An 18-year-old does not even like to get up before 10am. Old people always
get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I am tired and
cannot sleep and since I am already up, I may as well be up killing some
fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we could not spill the beans because we would forget where we
put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We are used to being screamed and
yelled at and we are used to soft food. We have also developed an
appreciation for guns. We have been using them for years as an excuse to get
out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I have been in combat
and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did
I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I have never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He is still learning to
shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still has not figured
out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his
head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more
about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old people track
down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would
want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and
automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
And at last, 
