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-   -   new joke (https://www.johnbridge.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=3515)

Bri 09-30-2002 04:18 PM

new joke
A man takes the day off work and
> decides to go out golfing.
> He is on the second hole when he
> notices a frog sitting next to
> the green.
> He thinks nothing of it and is
> about to shoot when he
> hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."
> The man looks around and doesn't
> see anyone. Again, he
> hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
> at the frog and decides to
> prove the frog wrong, puts the
> club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
> Boom!
> He hits it 10 inches from the
> cup. He is shocked. He says
> to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
> You must be a lucky frog, eh?
> The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
> The man decides to take the frog
> with him to the next hole.
> "What do you think frog?" the
> man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
> The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
> Boom! Hole in one. The
> man is befuddled and doesn't know
> what to say. By the end
> of the day, the man golfed the
> best game of golf in his life and
> asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
> The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
> " They go to Las Vegas
> and the guy says, "OK frog, now
> what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
> approaching the roulette table, The man
> asks, "What do you think I should
> bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
> $3000, black 6."
> Now, this is a
> million-to-one shot to win, but
> after the golf game the man
> figures what the heck.
> Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
> The man takes his winnings and
> buys the best room in the
> hotel. He sits the frog down and
> says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
> You've won me all this money and
> I am forever grateful."
> The frog replies,
> "Ribbit Kiss Me."
> He figures why not,
> since after all the frog did for
> him, he deserves it. With a
> kiss, the frog turns into a
> gorgeous 18-year-old girl. "And that,
> your honor, is how the girl
> ended up in my room. So help me God
> or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

Bud Cline 09-30-2002 05:06 PM

I don't know about anyone else but I believe that story.

Then what did Bill do?

flatfloor 09-30-2002 06:42 PM

http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung.../lachen015.gif By Gar I lak dat wan Bri.

John Bridge 09-30-2002 07:09 PM

I'll have to show that one to Patti. She likes Bill so much.

Not. :D

cx 09-30-2002 10:40 PM

Ah, a place for tasteless Presidential jokes. Eez good on accounta somebody just sends me such a joke. To wit:

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush says "Well, your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'StarTrek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."


flatfloor 10-01-2002 08:54 AM

Ooooooooooooooooooh! :D

Sonnie Layne 10-02-2002 04:03 PM

This was just sent to me by a client of mine...

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the hell the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked.

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy".

flatfloor 10-02-2002 04:24 PM

Is that the Fugawe tribe? :D

Bud Cline 10-02-2002 04:49 PM

Hillary finally arrives at the pearly gates where she is promptly greeted by St. Peter himself. Standing at the gates she peeks inside and notices clocks hanging everywhere on all the walls.

Hillary inquires as to the reason for all the clocks. St. Peter replies that there is a clock for every person on earth and these clocks are lie detectors.

St. Peter says: Over there is the clock for Mother Theresa, notice the hands have never moved. Mother Theresa has never told a lie.

And that one over there, St. Peter continues, is the clock that belongs to George Washington. Notice that the hands have moved only slightly, and over there the same goes for Abraham Lincoln's clock.

Hillary then asks: Where is Bill's clock?

St. Peter replies that Bill Clinton's clock is in Jesus' office. Oh really says Hillary, now that is very impressive.

Yeh, St. Peter continues, Jesus is using it for a ceiling fan.

flatfloor 10-02-2002 05:02 PM

:D :D :D :D :D

John Bridge 10-03-2002 08:09 PM

Geez, I thought it was going to become a nightly ritual. I've been turning Patti on to the gags here. Come in here tonight and there's nothing here except flatfloor's stale smiley faces from the night before. ;)

Cami A 10-03-2002 08:32 PM

My turn, I suppose- seeing as John is the man behind the curtain...

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.


Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".


Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."


Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"

"Is Dorothy around?"

IBJT 10-03-2002 08:48 PM

Here ya go John
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"


Angie in Sales 10-04-2002 07:46 AM

Did ya know that hunter joke is considered the funniest in the world?

Some others funny around the world:

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"

"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."


"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"

flatfloor 10-04-2002 08:55 AM

More golf
Harry collapses in the door of his house at about 6PM from his usual Sat. morning golf game. His wife looks at his disheveled, sweaty, exhausted appearance and the time and asks; what happened to you? Your usually home by 2PM.

Well, he says, everything was fine until the 6th hole and then Charlie had a heart attack and died. After that it was hit the ball drag Charlie, hit the ball drag Charlie.

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