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Old 09-08-2003, 09:21 AM   #766
Maurizio Bertoli
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Well, John, as you know I personally prefer my home-made red wine, but for as long as it makes me happy, beer is fine, too!
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Old 09-08-2003, 11:25 AM   #767
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Hey you guys...someone already shared that one with us!

....but it's always good to get a reminder!

L
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Old 09-08-2003, 11:30 PM   #768
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Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried...but no answer. "Is there anyone here?"
she cried a little louder, but still no answer.... Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away ...

"Hello - we're all down here...."
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Old 09-08-2003, 11:38 PM   #769
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An Asian gentlemen is on vacation in Dublin, Ireland.

He goes into the bank to exchange some money, hands over 2000 Yen and gets back 85.

Two days later he goes back to the same bank, hands over another 2000 Yen, but this time he only gets 77. Rather confused he asks the teller why in such a short period of two days can he lose 8 on exchange, to which the teller replies, "Fluctuations".

Rather annoyed the Asian gentlemen storms off and just before he slams the door shut he turns round and shouts, "And fluck you Irish too".
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Old 09-09-2003, 12:49 AM   #770
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Ok Jeremy...that brain cell one took me a sec...I'l admit it...but then I thought it ws pretty cute!

L
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Old 09-09-2003, 04:37 AM   #771
Maurizio Bertoli
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A man walks into a diner and orders a cheese-burger. As the waitress brings his meal to him, he takes a bite out of it and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

To which the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make doughnuts."

Anybody interested to know where that diner is?

Ciao and good luck,
Maurizio
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Old 09-09-2003, 08:38 AM   #772
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An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir.

A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well
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Old 09-09-2003, 09:46 AM   #773
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Maurizio~ *chuckle *snicker snicker!

Todd~White man sit on well! Sick! ...but cute!

L
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Old 09-09-2003, 10:18 AM   #774
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What can i say Linda, Its getting hard to keep up with the "Italian Stallion"
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Old 09-09-2003, 03:15 PM   #775
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The Men's List:

Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh!

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!
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Old 09-09-2003, 04:31 PM   #776
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Todd, I told the Tiger and Stevie Wonder joke today, man did I get laughs, 4 guys in a Ford escort rocking as it went down the road.
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Old 09-09-2003, 04:41 PM   #777
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Jeremy

Get your butt over here http://johnbridge.com/vbulletin/show...431#post106431 bunch of displaced Brits having a reunion.
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Old 09-09-2003, 05:38 PM   #778
Maurizio Bertoli
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Todd:
What can I tell ya ... this "Italian Stallion" thing it's my blessing and my curse at the same time. O course it's true, but what makes me sad is when I realize that all them girls are only after my body!

Now this one:

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," she said. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

Ciao and good luck,
Maurizio
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Old 09-09-2003, 08:15 PM   #779
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The new look in Work Vans that get noticed!!
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Old 09-09-2003, 10:21 PM   #780
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That's pretty amazing! I had to double take on that one! Thought my old eyes were quitin' on me!

That's something!

L
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