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Old 05-18-2004, 08:51 PM   #1531
LadyGodiva
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Quote:
Originally posted by Maurizio Bertoli
Boy, Eli: you're on a roll!! I love you girl!!
Ciao,
Maurizio

Smart move Maurizio, that way my dad won't use the Chinese torture on you .
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Old 05-19-2004, 01:12 AM   #1532
Maurizio Bertoli
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You still have a dad watching over you??!...
How about that lucky hubby of yours?... Don't tell me he wouldn't care!!
Let me tell ya, girl: you can tease a guy all right!!
Ciao,
Maurizio
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Old 05-19-2004, 12:41 PM   #1533
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Maurizio, my dad is Portuguese and Lebanese... need I say more?

He doesn't care that I'm no longer 16 or that I'm married.... he'd still have to try some Chinese torture on the guy who decides he so much as wants to have a peek at me in a swim suit .

My hubby had the Chinese torture some years ago

Wait... that wasn't the hubby.... it was the postman
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Old 05-19-2004, 02:22 PM   #1534
Maurizio Bertoli
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Eli:
Quote:
my dad is Portuguese and Lebanese... need I say more?
Say no mo'! That's really, REALLY bad!!
But being half Portuguese and half Lebanese and he lives in Trinidad, how come he knows about the Chinese torture??!
And another question: If just by looking at you wearing a swimming suit a guy could have administred the Chinese thing to him, what did he do the the blind guy who pinched your tush??! (On a second thought, I don't wanna know! I could be too bloody graphic for me to handle!!)
Quote:
Wait... that wasn't the hubby.... it was the postman
It's a good thing it wasn't the hubby, or else you'd have some serious explanation to do about your three children!!
You know what? I was kinda fantazising about coming to OK and personally deliver to you some of my famous recipes in ... kinda a "private" setting, but after all this information I think I'll pass, thank you!!
Ciao,
Maurizio
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Old 05-19-2004, 05:18 PM   #1535
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I don't know about the Portugese bit Maurizio but I can double damn guarantee the Lebanese bit of her Pa knew everything to do with any matter testicular whatsoever.
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Old 05-19-2004, 06:10 PM   #1536
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http:www.smlinks.com/sotw/why/
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Old 05-19-2004, 06:21 PM   #1537
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor, what is this?"

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked, "Which service, the 8:15 or the 10:45?"
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Old 05-19-2004, 07:21 PM   #1538
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Thumbs up

That's the funniest clean joke of the year Jim.

JB, give him the rest of the night off....with pay.
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Old 05-20-2004, 06:21 PM   #1539
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On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."

Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
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Old 05-20-2004, 07:27 PM   #1540
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:35 PM   #1541
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Wisconsin Blonde

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin…As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...
very slowly?

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrr, Gerrrr, Kiiiing."
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Old 05-21-2004, 01:25 AM   #1542
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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor
arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little
concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the
doctor ordered. She did.

He pinched her nipples then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to
get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You
don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
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Old 05-21-2004, 05:05 PM   #1543
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Quote:
Originally posted by jjwq8
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor
arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little
concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the
doctor ordered. She did.

He pinched her nipples then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to
get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You
don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

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Old 05-22-2004, 05:40 AM   #1544
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There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
Frenchman,who found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said,
you each have your own swimming pool, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The Frenchman wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was ecstatic swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
Finally the American runs towards the pool when suddenly he slips on a banana peel.

"SHIT!"
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Old 05-22-2004, 08:28 AM   #1545
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JJ, I take great offense to the way that joke ended, being a 'newbie' American and all that....

Could we change that to oil instead?
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