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Old 05-13-2004, 04:02 PM   #1501
Mike2
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John:

I know that taxi cab driver.....rode with him in just two months ago in Vancouver B.C. If y'all think Californian drivers or Boston drivers are crazy, you ain't seen nothing til you've been to Vancouver.
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Old 05-13-2004, 05:26 PM   #1502
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Try San Juan.
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Old 05-13-2004, 05:26 PM   #1503
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a real groaner

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?

"The Lone Ranger said, "I do, Why?"

The cowboy said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was about to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and said, "I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to help cool him down"

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and begins running circles around Silver.

Unable to do anything except wait, the Lone Ranger returns to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse out side?

"The Lone Ranger stands and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says .....

"Nothing .......... but you left your Injun running!"
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Old 05-13-2004, 06:48 PM   #1504
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FIRST MAMMOGRAM

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there’s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!



Exercise 1

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.



Exercise 2

Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.



Exercise 3

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!



CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!

I think this technology was invented by males... I'd like to come up with one for men... guess what part of your anatomy would be involved guys? Yep, that's right...the crown jewels no less.

Did I hear you saying OUCH????
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Old 05-13-2004, 07:14 PM   #1505
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Old 05-14-2004, 02:17 AM   #1506
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Eli, you will be qualified to complain only after you have caught the tip of one nipple in a zipper. Till then dream of the pain of child birth
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Old 05-14-2004, 06:08 AM   #1507
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Thanks, everyone! I needed that!
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Old 05-14-2004, 07:32 AM   #1508
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Deer layme g.

Either yu are so blond or so kinky…..eye doan no witch. Them mamo killing pleasures of yures are certainly not four reel ladies.

Where eye come from, a doctor visits the Center every Saturday night, free mamo’s without the pain.
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Old 05-14-2004, 08:09 AM   #1509
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Clean
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Products and Practices Perfected™
STT Sealers with Attitude!®
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Old 05-14-2004, 03:50 PM   #1510
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Talking

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk.
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Old 05-14-2004, 04:17 PM   #1511
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This is Edna at the beach... shocking!

http://upchucky.net/~upchucky/flash-fun/thongs.html
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Old 05-14-2004, 06:51 PM   #1512
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So that's where they went!
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Old 05-15-2004, 05:34 AM   #1513
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Poot wear?
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Old 05-15-2004, 09:31 AM   #1514
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Talking

A GIRLS PRAYER:
Lord, Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One whose handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he's gainfully employed,
and when I spent his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, in the garden and in the kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend.

A GUY'S PRAYER:

Lord, I pray for a nympho with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and likes to fish. Amen.

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Old 05-15-2004, 09:34 AM   #1515
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Subject: John Hinckley

You may know they've released John Hinckley from the Mental Facility for unsupervised visits to his parents home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot president Ronald Regan to impress actress Jodie Foster. Below is a nice letter written by our current President;

THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON D.C.

Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington D.C.

Dear John:

Laura and I hope you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We are pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital report you are doing fine.
I have decided to seek a second term in office as your President and I would appreciate your support and the support of your parents.

I hope if there is anything you need at the hospital, you would let us know.

By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jodie Foster?

Sincerely,

George W. Bush
President
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