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Old 02-25-2004, 03:34 PM   #1
Albert
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yankee test dont wurk

i tried that yankee test but it don't wurk. they is two many trick questions. jus take a look below at all the trick i found in the test.

albert


1. How do you pronounce Aunt?
Like the word want
Like the word ant
Like the word caught
I pronounce them all the same

this is not fare. i never use that wurd. i always call my mommas sister auntie. same wit my poppas sister.

2. How do you pronounce caramel?
Two syllables ("car-ml")
Three syllables ("car-a-mel")
Either
Don't know

now dey speled the dam thing rong. ebryone nos dey ride camels in iraq, not caramels. this test is a trick. watch out.

3. How do you pronounce creek?
Rhymes with meek
Rhymes with kick
Either
Don't know

i no the anser to this but its not hear. i always use the word squeek, such as the floor squeaks or the door squeaks. i don say creek.

4. How do you pronounce the second syllable in pajamas?
Rhymes with jam
Rhymes with father
Either
Don't know

hel, i don’t own no pajamas and i neber seent any with no syllables in them, much less two syllables. besides i would be in big trouble with my wife if she caught me in bed with two syblings in one pajamas.

5. How do you pronounce route?
Rhymes with clout
Rhymes with toot
Either
Don't know

i don’t know those fancy french words but i bet the answer is like root-hay. jus like john tol me what he wares on topof his hed is called a toop-hay.

6. Do you pronounce "cot" and "caught" the same way?
Yes
No
No answer
Don't know

no of coarse knot. they is difrent wurds. late one nite i drank two much and i got caught and i had two spend the nite in jale on a cot. i is pretty good with sentences.

7. How do you address a group of people?
You all
Youse
You'uns, yins
Y'all

i never undressed a group of people. not into that kinda stuff.

8. What kind of sale is it on the front lawn?
Rummage sale
Tag sale
Yard sale
Garage sale

got two be a yard sale.

9. What's that long sandwich with lots of cold cuts and toppings?
Sub
Hoagie
Grinder
Hero

its called a poboy. we got lots of them places in houston cuz all them cajuns moved hear.

10. What's the tiny lobster that crawls around in creek bottoms?
Crawfish
Crayfish
Crawdad
I don't know

i aint stupid. lobsters live in salt water.

11. What do you call gym shoes?
Sneakers
Tennis shoes
Gymshoes
Runnning shoes

shoes is shoes. i don’t got no fancy names fo my shoes.

12. What is spread onto the tops of cakes?
Frosting
Icing
Don't know
No answer

my frien named romelo had a batchelor party one time…

13. What's that road along an Interstate highway?
Frontage road
Service road
Access road
Feeder

that’s the old hiway before they bilt the interstate. i seent em all over. first they name shoes and now they try to name different kinds of roads. sum people think they so smart becuz they no all kinds of wurds but you wouldn’t need all those wurds if you called a road a road and a pare of shoes shoes.

14. What do you put groceries in?
Bag
Sack
Poke
No answer

in texas I putem in the icebox or the roaches eatem. they wont last no time in a bag.

15. Where might you get water in a public building?
Water fountain
Drinking fountain
Bubbler
No answer

i a tilestter so i no ware to find water. i kin always find a sink behind a door in a restroom. its ware the cleaning people fill and empty their mop bukkets.

16. What is that bubbly carbonated drink called?
Soda
Coke
Pop
Soft drink

dats two easy for me. BEER!!! dam I found the capslock key.

17. What's it called when you throw toilet paper over a house?
TP'ing
Toilet papering
Rolling
Papering

a wedding reception. still got the roll from mine.

18. What's the night before Halloween called?
I don't use any word for this
Devil's night
Mischief night
Cabbage night

october 30.

19. What's a drive through liquor store called?
I haven't heard of any such thing, or none of the below
Brew thru
Beverage barn
Party barn

in texas they is all this way. its called a likker store.

20. What's that bug that rolls into a ball when you touch it? (NOTE: This is not a doodle bug (ant lion), which is the larvae of Myrmeleontidae spp.)
Roly poly
Pillbug
Potato bug
Sow bug:

are you crazee? i dont tuch bugs.

Last edited by Albert; 02-26-2004 at 03:27 PM.
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Old 02-25-2004, 09:18 PM   #2
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Thumbs up

....albert, I've seen some might fine prose hear on dis forum, but that which ju gis rote, well....dat's a galdang masterpiece!

your mama be proud a ju!
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Old 02-26-2004, 03:38 AM   #3
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Old 02-26-2004, 12:52 PM   #4
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Albert,

Your insight and perspective is truly brilliant.

Regards Steven
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Old 02-26-2004, 03:34 PM   #5
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yall dint tel me wut scoar i shood git on the test. i dont no if i more yankee or more dixie. i wishd i cood live in north houston but my trailer park is on south side.

john dont pay me nuff to live in his neyborhood. he dont even like to have me over to his house and he tole me he dont like me embarsing him in front of his naybors especily after the nite i puked in his naybors yard and passed out there. but it made it reel easy to jump in johns truck an go to wurk in the morning.

so wut kinda score i shood git?

albert
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Old 02-26-2004, 06:22 PM   #6
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well now albert, there may be a few things u need to worry 'bout...

u may need to worry 'bout that damn neighbor of john's turing the hose on u next time u's puke in his yard. and u's may need to worry 'bout runnin out'a gas next time you swipe his truck. but u don't need to worry 'bout no damn test to say whether u more this or that. It's plain to see u's 100% yankee...them dixie dudes & chicks never heard of a poboy or likker store.

...and can you believe that, pewtin groceries in a poke. every yankee know after u gut it and skin it, let it cool down for 10 days in the barn, your groceries hanging right there.
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Old 02-27-2004, 12:15 AM   #7
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hi mike,

yes i thought i might be all yankee becuz i spent my hole life above the rio grande line. unlike most people hear in houston. except i went south of the rio grande won time for my batchelor party in tijuana. it was a grate time but i wuz only 15. got in lots of truble for skippin outa high school. thats ok. raisin a fambly was more impotent than finishin high school anyhow. and our daughter melia is reel smart. she taught me how to use the puter and tipe and all.

you no, sumofa peeple on the jobsites say i talk funny so i thought maybe i yankee.

john always treats me good though. he gave me a turkey last christmas. dont tell him though we took it back to kroger and got a refund and bought all the fixins to make coon stew. my wifes bruther had went coon huntin and dropped some off at our trailer. he callsem racoons but i never calledem that. we had the best coon stew my wife cooked for christmas dinner. the gravy is reel dark and we sopped it all up with bread and ate it with the coon. we ran outa bread and i gotta grout sponge and soaked up the rest. i no what yur thinkin but i dint eat the sponge. i jus used it to soak up the gravy and chewed on it. my wife thought i was crazy till she tried it then she liked it purdy good. specially after she took out her dentures. you shooda seent our hole fambly suckin the gravy outa the grout sponges. it was a great christmas.

like i said john reel good to me.

your right, i thought maybe iwasa yankee. thanks mike.

albert
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Old 02-27-2004, 11:49 AM   #8
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albert, I think u missin your call’en down there. u could be a riter for the national geographic.

u need to git outta that trailer park rat now. next time u see john, bring him a bottle a two-buck-chuck. don’t skimp now, git the fancy one wift the metal cap. axe him for some help putting your res-may together. he may need help to from melia, so bring her a bottle to. this could be your big break. patti can help em do the envelope, pewt your res-may in there long wift ‘xamples of your ritings, send it off to the national geographic. u become even more famous some day,,, maybe your ritings hang in the simthsonian institute. i wouldn’t be surprised.

ah,,, your stories ‘bout soaking up that coon stew and the mighty rio grande sure bring back memories, that such a pretty river. before I retired I use to be a fire fighter down there. yep, right outside a Progresso TX. worked in the cane fields…each year when they burn them fields down my job was to stand around the pig pens and beat the crap out that far wift a wet gunny sack when it got too close to Dolly. she was the miss’s favorite pig. what a porker she was. ‘ol dolly was pretty big too. we use to hitch-hike into Progresso town, mostly when ever we broke off a tooth, walk across the bridge over that pretty river into that little mexican town. good dentists over there, fast and cheap.

it was down there in Progresso when I got my big break. one day when we cross the river into mexico they had pewt up a turnstile charging us 25 cents to go thru. figured with that kind of cost of living, was no place for a fire fighter to be. so I went to this big employment agency, Se Habla Espanol was it’s name. must’ been a big chain, seen 'em everywhere. so they git me hooked up wift a pig farmer, this time up in san angelo. i learned to mix cement up their wift a hoe. and eventually became a cement wheelbarrow driver….is that what john mean when he say he a mud man?
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Old 02-27-2004, 01:16 PM   #9
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mike,

i four got to say that after christmas i brung somofa coon gravy to work one day but i spilt it on our customers new floor. no way wood it come outofa grout. ole john colored up da restofa grout with his charcoal grout stain and sealer and convinced the customers dat it look bettah dat way.

dat coon gravy does the same thing to my teeths. john said maybe that he start usin my coon gravy for the charcoal color stain instead of buyinit from kemguru. i dont no. i hate to waste it like dat.

them hogs sore git fat eatin sugarcane. what those cajuns call dat leftova cane after dey press the sugar outofa it? i think they callit bagass. dem hogs likeit.

albert
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Old 02-28-2004, 07:35 PM   #10
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Excuse me sir, i don't normally talk to strangers but I came all the way down here looking for johnny. I tired and maybe I lost. If you know where he be, could you show me the way to go?

Please excuse my interruption again sir, is it albert your name? I see you like the coon stew. All this talk goin on 'bout the coon stew sure makin me hungry. I haven't eaten in awhile. I been hankerin fo a good pot a coon stew for such a time, my eyes a waterin just thinkin ‘bout it. All we got up where I live is possum and I ain’t eatin those steenkin things. All the coon been hunted out.

Best’es part ‘bout the coon stew is them leftovers mr. albert. Miss’s senick, she live down the end of the dirt road from me, well she showed me how to roast them back leg bones of da coon ever so slightly over a far, den crack em open wift a rock and suck out da marrow…ummmm, yeserre bub.

Seen a lot talk to lately ‘bout peoples eating them spotted owls and how good they taste. Well turns out that just a lot hype pewt out by this peta group. That group headquartered out west of where we is now, where all da rich fok live, little town out there just down da road from Comfort. Actually mr. albert that hole owl scene just a po man’s substitute fo parrott. Ever tried parrott? it’s mighty fine,,, you keep a look out for one.
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Old 02-28-2004, 08:01 PM   #11
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Excuse me Edna's ...but you best not be a hittin' on my Albert. He's a fine man and he's MINE. Go get's yer own man before I comes up there and tan 'yer hide!
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Old 02-28-2004, 08:12 PM   #12
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now girls dont get mad. theres plenty ofcoon stew for ebryone.

i dont eat possum neither but spotted owls is reel good. jus rap em in tin furl wit butter and pewt em on the grill. i gotta friend on jb fourem whoooooo findsem four me. i ketchem and eatem.

hey edna you got dentures like my wife?

albert
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Old 02-29-2004, 07:21 AM   #13
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Oh boy, here we. Best'es we all stand back....
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Old 02-29-2004, 01:52 PM   #14
Edna
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[I’ll gist poke my head ‘round the corner here, see iffen it safe to come out]

You-hoo,,,anybody here?

[that chicks got’ta serious whoremoanal disorder]

You-hoo,,, Mr. Allllbert?

[she need some estro-gin, like rat now]


Mr. Allllbert, you here?

[nother power surge like that she gonna blow herself up]


Anybody else round here?

[talkin to me that way bout my teeth]


I’m lookin for johnnnnny?

[I’d pewt ‘em if I could find ‘em]


Johnnnnny, are you here?

[bet she wear’a ugly pink and green moo-moo]


I’ll come back later…

[wonder if albert thinking ‘bout me?]

.
.
.
[Guess nobody up yet… better go back to the bus depot and look fo my teeth. Prolly fell out last night when I was sleepin in the chair,…,,and just get over her, girl]
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Old 02-29-2004, 07:56 PM   #15
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Y'all weird.



If y'all was tryin' to make fun of me with that PETA comment, it ain't gonna work. Right here in Boerne we got us a chapter of that fine organization. I got contacts in other states, too, that provide fine fare when we have our git togethers of People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.

Y'all ever try you any Oryx?
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