This ones for Bri

[smee]

These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website and obviously, the answers came from a fellow Canuck.

1. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

4.. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5.. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

6.. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of ?

7.. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

8.. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9.. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11.. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

12.. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13.. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)

A: You are an American politician, right?

14.. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15.. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

16.. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk Is illegal.

17.. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.

18.. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Sponsored Links]

[tileguytodd]

Boy, i dont know how polically correct this is.I see Gay bashing, American Bashing and potentially several violations of interest to the Humane society.And did i miss something or was prostitution infered :D

[smee]

uh oh - am I in trouble?
:crap:

[davem]

Please. :rolleyes: :D :p

[John Bridge]

No, Todd just wants to make sure he's understanding all of this correctly. Being from Northern Minnesota, he's always on the defensive. ;)

What gets me is that most of those questions are ones I've always wanted to ask but didn't want to show my ignorance. Thank you so much for posting all the answers.

I'm checking with Travelocity right now to book a flight to Calgary in time for the next round of hippo races.

;)

[duncesheild]

I'm still laughing at 11. :)

[tileguytodd]

Its from living next door to all them canadians ;)
You know, my Son went up there one summer just to see what it was like.went across the bridge into fort francis.They let him in just fine but didnt want to let him leave.He was not impressed.Funny thing is,My brother in law flew out to maine to pick up a truck he just bought and cut across Canada on his way home.Same thing happened to him.They dont want to let any of that american money get away it seems :D :D :D

[RandyL]

I've got a question. Why is it that people thing there will be a drastic temerature change as soon as you cross the border? There have been occations where people from the south come up with their snowmobiles in the midle of summer. :p

[John Bridge]

C'mon, Randy. You've ALWAYS got snow up there somewhere. Just shoot 'em a little farther north. ;)

[RandyL]

In the arctic region maybe. Hey.......do you guys know where that is? Is sort of like Antarctica but at the other end. :D

[flatfloor]

Just face south turn 180 degrees and walk in a straight line. If you see any animals resembling horses with coat racks on their heads urge your Hippo sled team to speed up. Do NOT go naked.

[John Bridge]

I think they must have shut Canada down for the weekend. I went up to Harry's board and placed a link to this thread. The only Canuck to show up is Randy. Do you suppose they pointed themselves 180 in the wrong direction? :)

[tileguytodd]

All I know is that most of them thar canadians live south of me.If you look at thier population centers and the lines on the globe,only about 15-20 % of canadians live north of northern Minnesota.And them are the crazy ones :D :D :D

[flatfloor]

Er...um...Todd? What does that make you? :D

[RandyL]

speaking of the moose, if plural for goose is geese what about moose? I had a teacher in high school who swore it was meese, but, that just don't sound right to me. Also, do any of you go moose hunting? They are scarier then bears. You would know what I mean if you saw one up close.

[John Bridge]

I spent a couple years in Alaska. It's mooses, and they ain't scary unless you run into them with your car.

:D

[tileguytodd]

Bordering on the insane Jim, But then ya'll already knew that :D
John,about 10 years ago i took Niki up to moose country in the Superior national forest(Northeastern tip of minnesota along the big lake) This area has many moose and hundreds of miles of forest service logging roads.Real good ones if you wanted to know where some of your tax dollars are ;) Now she had never seen a moose before so i planned this trip to get up to the area around dark.Sure enough as we were driving a young moose was walking down the dirt road(he was about an 800# er so not as huge as they get)Well he started trotting down the road and he wouldnt let me pass him ,he kept cutting me off.This went on for about 3 miles.Finally i backed off a bit,gave her the gas and as i pulled along side him ha Body slammed the car and Moose drooled the passenger window.Niki was of course thrilled to get so close to a moose.She coulda reached out and touched him had the window been open.Now i would not reccomend doing this if a full sized moose were involved and i would never do this with any Bull moose in rut.Not even an 800 lber.If you do, you will be looking for a new car,I gaurantee it.:D

[John Bridge]

I don't know how it is now, but in the early sixties Anchorage was still what you would call a small town, large by Alaska standards but small nonetheless. Fort Richardson was about 8 mi, out of town and getting there in winter was precarious -- a two-lane road packed over with ice most of the time. There were people out there pulling people out of the ditch all the time. Imagine going down this icy road (no daylight) and discovering a thousand pound monster in the middle of the road staring you down. You can't stop. It's either swerve off the side of the road or kiss your car goodbye. You ain't gonna bother the moose at all. ;)

[flatfloor]

Vinny had a run in with what he thought was one of those buggers once, turns out it was his neighbor Nefario walking his Neapolitan Mastiff. Dogs dead.:p

[Sonnie Layne]

quick, someone come up with a pic of a jack-a-moose!!! They originated here in TX and then as they migrated to the north, uhhh like Oklahoma, they turned into Meese, then when they hit Wyoming they were Moise, now they are known as just plain Moose.

I understand they're half the size they used to be when they reigned the plains here in TX, but still as tasty, If you like crow.... :D

[tileguytodd]

For those who have never eaten Moose i'll just say that its a very dark meat,a bit on the dry side and should be braised or slow cooked.Its a differant kind of experiance as wild game goes.As for me,I'll take Elk everytime ,In fact, i'll take Elk over Beef Everytime :D