Politically Correct Christmas

[kate42]

A little long, but it says a lot, with some humor.

CHRISTMAS PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts Among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED????????????????????.


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian p****s I've had it with you people!! We're going To keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan

[Sponsored Links]

[Dave Taylor]

I'm gonna build a bar in my car and drive myself to drink. :twitch:

[Shooter]

The politically correct bullshit has gone too far. I am tired of trying to conform to everyones "special needs". I almost feel like a criminal trying to share the enjoyment with my kids about the spirit of Christmas and Santa Clause. And I am not an overly religious man. I say **** em all, and don't let the door hit ya on the ass on your way out!

[tilerite]

Kathleen
Thats classic!!

[ceramictec]

its CHRISTmas not Holidaymas......dont celebrate it if you dont enjoy/like/understand/care about its meaning !

[kate42]

:wave:

Politically Correct Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck.
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to Elves,
Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called Unenlightened.
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets, they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football; someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere, even you.
So here is that gift, it's priced beyond worth.
May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.

http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/xmasban1.gif (http://www.millan.net)

[Scooter]

Have a fantastic Festivus, everyone!

[MudMaker]

Very good Kathleen...

[TravisFling]

I don't even understand why people complain about it being called Christmas, and being correct and everything... It's Christmas... If you don't want to celebrate it and be happy...... Here's a concept... DON'T!!! Go sit in the corner... Shut up. That's like coming to my birthday and saying that I'm not celebrating "their part" of it... It's MINE... I don't even get the concept of you not wanting ME to celebrate what I want... Jeez-ey Pete... People are wishing each other happy this and that, which offends people? What happened with just saying... "Thank you. I hope it goes well for you, too..." Even I get it, so it can't be that hard.. you know? hahaha...

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to Jesus...

MudMaker- Where is Centerville? I'm in London... Take care

[HS345]

Travis, You're a conservative, come on over to the dark side already dude. :D

Denial is a terrible thing.

Merry Christmas!!! :tree: :santa: :gettree: :santa5:

[TravisFling]

Yeah, yeah... I'm a used to be red voter... now I've gone even futher of the reservation and become a Libertarian... Reason magazine... you should check it out... they did an issue on personal liberty and each magazine was individualized with the cover being a satellite photo of your house on it... pretty awesome.

I would certainly say I'm a conservative on most things... the less government, the better, I say...

[TravisFling]

SHERRODSVILLE>?!?!?!??!!? Greg - I was born in Carrollton, if you've ever heard of it, and I was just in Scio not too long ago, so see my buddy in a cage fight... small world

[HS345]

Carrollton, I think I might have heard of it. :rolleyes: Small world indeed. :yeah:

[TravisFling]

That's funny.. Well, Merry Christmas Greg. I hope it's a good one for ya!!! I'm a little nervous about starting this Slate install, but I think I've got all my ducks in a row... Take care!!!

[scuttlebuttrp]

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.



To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[scuttlebuttrp]

they did an issue on personal liberty and each magazine was individualized with the cover being a satellite photo of your house on it... pretty awesome.

The fact that they have the ability to do this makes me a little nervous. :think:

[tilerite]

What about those of us with no party affiliation?

[scuttlebuttrp]

To those with no party affliation, I'll say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and then duck. :D

[tilerite]

That'll work.

[TravisFling]

http://maps.live.com/#JnE9eXAuMjI3MCt3K2Nob2N0YXcrZHJpdmUrbG9uZG9uJTJjK29oKzQzMTQwJTdlc3N0LjAlN2VwZy4xJmJiPTU2LjEyMTA2MDQ yNTA0NDElN2UtNjAuOTk2MDkzNzUlN2UyNi41MDk5MDQ1MzE0MTM5JTdlLTExNS4xMzY3MTg3NQ==

Open that up, click on birds eye view, and zoom in... I'm in the A-Frame with the deck over the garage... it's pretty scary indeed.

There was one of these sites where they had taken the picture after a big party and I had a driveway full of cars and you could see people playing cornhole!!! What a hoot. Anyway,

Have a Merry Christmas or Festivus, or what have you!!!

Travis

[StevieG]

http://hotair.com/archives/2007/12/24/video-jackies-christmas-message/