Obscure Patents

[bikemike]

Howdy y'all,

I work with patents quite a bit in my job. I thought I would start a new thread and post some of the bizarre patents I have come across. If there seems to be interest I will keep this going with some new entries. I can't take the credit for finding these, there are a few websites where patent attorneys get together and dig these up.

In order to conform to picture size rules I will post the text and invention drawing separately.

Here's entry #1, the Beerbrella, in honor of the Mudmeister Mr. John Bridge:

[Sponsored Links]

[dgunnels]

Is this to be used when you are 'crying in your beer?'

[bikemike]

Couldn't tell you, never had one filled long enough after opening it for tears to fall in. :D

Might help your beer to avoid a sunburn though :)

[Davestone]

Mike, that's about as useless a patent as i ever saw,keep em coming. :bow: :clap2:

[bikemike]

I don't know why but I think of Mick Jagger when I see this one...

[bikemike]

For those of you that have a hard time controlling yourself around the job site... :shake:

[bikemike]

My final entry for the day...

If you have ever repaired drywall by:

1. taking a square patch

2. cutting a hole in the wall to the size of the patch

3. inserting said patch and into said hole in wall

4. backfilling patch with joint compound,

Guess what, now you owe this guy a royalty.


:D

[Davestone]

:D What a bunch of :moon:

[Brad Denny]

:lol1:
Those are great. I did notice some alternative plumbing fixtures for these lofts we were tiling in d'town Nashville and the "mouth" was one of them. Another was a robot with hands(in a compromising position). I guess I need to call the "hot patch" a "Prior Patch" from now on. :idea:

[bikemike]

As if there isn't enough of a plumbers butt epidemic on the job site already...



:moon:

[dgunnels]

I have actually seen those jeans on a woman. It was a long time ago but I do remember it. Ranks right up there with LA Welcome Mats (tat just above female's butts.) On the other hand...if you had a pair of these jeans you could just have the tat placed lower and see it through the hole in the pants. :rofl:

[bikemike]

The shame of it is that, as you have noted, there is a market for this ridiculous idea. :complain:

[dgunnels]

How about you giving us one per day or is that asking too much? One per day for comments and musing. Give me something to look forward to in the AM.

[bikemike]

Not sure about one a day but I'll try to post regularly, unless the moderators here ask me not to in case these pictures are clogging up their system.

Keep in mind that these can all be found on the web, but it's kind of fun to add our own commentary here.

Today's entry is not so much "obscure" as "cool - where can I get one of those!"

The good news is the patent for this one has expired so if you can make it work, you're free to sell it...

:)

[flatfloor]

Going back to the beer brolly, I can see me poking my eye out with that thing. :D

[RedRockTile]

Not sure I like the idea of odor-eater briefs.

What good is a fart if you can't get a laugh and clear the room? :yeah:

[bikemike]

Two entries today in honor of those drinkers, ah, tilers attending Coverings this year.

This one might come in handy at "the couch"

:loaded:

[bikemike]

Your balance is a bit off and you've worked hard drinking all day, certainly you deserve a little comfort now as you unload, you great American hero...

:tup2:

[bikemike]

What good is a fart if you can't get a laugh and clear the room?

Yes Juan, it does seem like wasted energy.

I love the picture on that one - so technical. Is that a rain cloud? :)

[dgunnels]

Can you use the last two entries in conjuction? :lol1:

[bikemike]

Can you use the last two entries in conjuction?

I'm thinking that if you tried that you might damage the beer tap which could wreak havoc on the mass in = mass out equation.

By the way I have quite a few of these gems so there will be lots more laughs to come if people seem to enjoy this thread. :dance:

[Davestone]

Oh that keg on the head has been around here for years..we call it the Bridge Fridge, :lol1:

[Brad Denny]

What's so great are the facial expressions.

[bikemike]

If it's facial expressions you want, try this one on for size...

I feel guilty posting this, like I'm betraying corner barbers everywhere by disclosing this closely guarded trade secret.

And now, I give you, the OFFICIAL comb-over, involving three industrial-grade folds and a heckuva lot of hair spray.

Look at Figure 6. Doesn't it look so natural? I bet if you could see his face, he would be smiling

:) :) :)

[bikemike]

I just have to add that I think a police sketch artist drew these pictures.

[bikemike]

This is an older patent that never really caught on - not sure why. And to think that my wife complained of dizziness after her labor.

I like the strategically located baby catching net.


:)

[Davestone]

Holy crap, some people have too much time on their hands..that's like trying to patent a glove, or a rock used as a hammer. :D

[pitterpat]

These are real winners.

[Dave Taylor]

What gives me pause is that John Q. Public supports a massive gummit' bureaucracy with tax $$$ (Patent and Trademark) that indexes, categorizes, researches, stores and otherwise wades through this stuff. :suspect:

[dbol]

Are all patents drawn by the same really bad artists and or pencil sketches.

[bikemike]

Davestone and Pat, I have even dumber patents than these that I will post eventually.

Dave T, keep in mind that the inventor pays hefty fees to cover the costs of filing and maintaining a patent. I don't know if the government ends up subsidizing some of the cost. I do know that the little guy especially gets taken advantage of without the ability to receive a patent for his novel invention. There are millions of worthwhile patents that get filed along with this garbage.

And dbol, allow today's entry to answer your question.

Not an obscure patent per se, but this is what you get when you hire a comic book artist to draw your patent sketches.


:)

[Jerry L A Tile]

Hey Mike can you look my wifes and mine up for us. We thought it was a great idea at the time but I think International product design is a big scam as well as the rest of the guys you see advertised on tv. I think we spent over 6 grand just for the patent then they want you to fork out cash to market it also instead of taking money from profits to pay themselves. We get mail all the time, but if they actually think its a good idea, why don't they back it with thier cash also?? Gettin to the toy companies is a very hard process as well. I don't have time this morning or i'd look it up. Our patent number is Des. 389,677. This was designed to put under the top bunk of a bunk bed and could have any current media on it for the children to enjoy like spiderman, super man :blah: We came up with this cause our boys loved making tents in thiers. Don't bash me too much guys :D

[bikemike]

Jerry,

Not sure if this link will work:

http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&d=PALL&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsrchnum.htm&r=1&f=G&l=50&s1=D389,677.PN.&OS=PN/D389,677&RS=PN/D389,677

The first page is below.

I'm posting this per your request - not claiming it is an obscure patent. :D

If you can make one that is soundproof then consider me first in line for three of 'em


:)

[Jerry L A Tile]

hey Mike thx, thats it :tup2: As far as making one...well we only made one proto type then we beat the pavement and ran outta steam. Couldn't project our dream good enough I guess :scratch:

[bikemike]

Don't feel bad Jerry, selling a patented idea is very difficult as you are already aware. It's not a bad idea to watch the market for products using your design patent - it's not uncommon for companies to say "not interested" and then "borrow" your idea.

At the very least it's cool to have your own patent! :tup1:

Now you can change your sig to Jerry LA Tile, Patent Protected :lol2:

[bikemike]

Today's entry pays tribute to the nice warm day we had here in Michigan yesterday (finally.)

Problem to be solved: you like ice cream, but have become so lethargic from eating too much of it that you can no longer muster up the energy to move your hand and tounge to lick the cone using your favorite technique.

Problem solved thanks to this nifty invention. I wonder if you can eat the cone? :crazy:


:)

[ddmoit]

That's my favorite one so far, Mike.

I still think a motorized can opener is ridiculous, but who didn't have one in the mid 1960s? I think they came free with a marriage license.

[bikemike]

I'm glad you liked it Dan, I was feeling rather uncreative this morning and just grabbed it and posted.

I got my motorized can opener when I opened a checking account. :D

[Tomtoo]

Where I used to work, saying that someone "invented the self-licking ice cream cone" was another way of saying that they invented a solution in search of a problem...like many of the patents out there!

[pitterpat]

Mike, I just meant that I liked them a lot, thought they were very funny.

[bikemike]

This one goes out to all you parents out there selflessly supporting small children. Don't you get tired of giving all the time without them chipping in their fair share around the house?

I say that if they're going to play, why not convert that energy into something useful?

So get on the stick Junior, and get on that lawn pronto!


:whip:

[Davestone]

Now i like that one,and the bedtent, i also like the combat uniform,i could never understand why they wouldn't give us some bulletproofing,kinda pissed me off. :yeah:I wish i had the bike when i was about 8, i had to mow a guys lawn with one of those blade roller deals, on a hill....whadda bitch!

[bikemike]

I'm just going to let this one speak for itself...


:sick:

[ddmoit]

Great one, Mike. As gross as it seems, that could actually work.

I once read an account of a guy who saved his life in a similar fashion. He was in a multi-story structure that was on fire. He retreated to a bathroom where he felt relatively safe from the flames. He soon realized that he would die of smoke inhalation way before the fire reached him though. In a flash of brilliance, he knocked the sink off the wall and breathed through the drain until he was rescued. I've retained that little nugget of genius in the event that I may have to employ it one day.

[bikemike]

I don't doubt it would work Dan. Like the guy in your story I would go for the sink first before snorkeling my way down the crapper. :yeah:

And where to you store that thing - in a display case above the toilet?

Practicality aside, it's just funny looking at that picture.

[ddmoit]

At least the guy in the picture is already in the position, should he become ill.

[MHI]

I like how they refer to "fresh air" a couple of times in the description.http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/fart006.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

[bikemike]

It's Friday so I'm posting one of my all-time favorites, dated back to 1882!

This is undoubtedly the most effective alarm clock ever conceived by man. Consider the following from the patent specification:

"whereby the frame is at the proper time permitted to fall into the sleeper's face...when it falls it will strike a light blow, sufficient to awaken the sleeper"

Wait, there's more:

"the device also being adapted for use in conjunction with an electric or other burglar-alarm apparatus..."

Do you think this device works for, or against, the person breaking into your house? I wonder if it came with a snooze bar?


:bonk:

[bikemike]

Sometimes you can express yourself most clearly without words.

Put this on your desk and everyone will know exactly what your thinking.



:noid:

[dgunnels]

OMG, the motorized ice cream cone was on a gadget show on the Food Network yesterday morning.

[bikemike]

This comes in handy when you want to exercise your cat while sitting on your duff and doing absolutely no work yourself.

Basically what you have here is a twisted cat owner flicking a laser pointer around the room until his cat goes insane and later retaliates by clawing the living room furniture to pieces.


:wtf:

[ddmoit]

Here's a story that suggests that you might be running short of material soon...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/30/AR2007043001668.html?hpid=topnews

[bikemike]

Dan,

I doubt that that the USPTO will never stop issuing these type of patents. Whether they are enforceable or not is a different story. I suspect it would be rather easy to invalidate many of the patents I have posted. I also suspect that there's never been a compelling reason to do so. I just don't see a bunch of lawyers gathered at a mahogany conference table discussing strategies to challenge the cat exercising patent.

:)

[bikemike]

If you think the US patent system is bad, just look at this one...

Done intentionally to show that just about anything filed with Australian patent office will be granted.

Look at the text and then the "invention" which was filed in 2001.


:D

[bikemike]

I gotta get me one of these.


:)

[Davestone]

I think David Duke already patented that getup. :D

[flatfloor]

It's the AFLAC duck! :D

[bikemike]

I think dogs should have legal recourse to one free bite on whoever puts these things on them...


:drevil:

[dgunnels]

That one's going to all my doggie friends.

[flatfloor]

Bet he sold tons of those. :D

[bikemike]

Who cares about the environment if you have one of these, go ahead and drive your Hummer and crank up the A/C with no worries...


:rolleyes:

[ddmoit]

Not exactly on topic, but I thought I would counter the frivolity of this thread with something useful...:)

http://www.motherearthnews.com/gallery.aspx?id=113446

[bikemike]

Now what's more useful than a greenhouse helmet?

And you've never started a frivolous thread?

:)

[ddmoit]

I'm sure a few folks think all my threads are frivolous. Now, why didn't NASA think of that helmet?

[bikemike]

Due to budget cuts NASA came so close to using this helmet but opted to stick with the oxygen tanks - something about reliability and not wanting prickly things around the head. Too technical for me to understand.

[flatfloor]

Frivolous is a good thing. :)

[bikemike]

Now who couldn't use one of these? I can just picture the marketing brochure for this vehicle....


:)

[Dave Taylor]

The company truck already got's flushable functionality like that spittoon thingee'..... a stuck sun-roof and leaky floor-boards.

Surely a gummint' agency like PTO what "makes" money hand-over-fist a-chargin' all them fees... has a few post-able "adult toy" ideas Mike.

See any :---)

[dgunnels]

I see that the inventor for that little gem was from smalltown AL. 'Nuff said. It would never sell anyway, 1. Guys would miss that spot and get it all over their shoes and inside the truck. 2. We couldn't tell who was chewin'. (For those of you not versed in all things Southern, you can tell who chews because the tobacy spit juice runs/blows down the driver's side of the truck. :sick: )

[bikemike]

I agree Nessie, it takes all the fun out of chewin on the fly.

And yes Dave there's hundreds of 'em and no Dave, I ain't posting any :)


I think JB will like today's entry. With this you can wipe down yourself AND the shower in one fell swoop...


:)

[Dave Taylor]

MMike said: there's hundreds of 'em and..... I ain't posting any Awwwww shucks!!

Now here would be examples of true American injunuity' at it's finest. .. ... :sheep:

[bikemike]

Sorry Dave, I'm just trying to leave the world a bit cleaner than I found it. :)

This is about as close as I'm going to touch this subject. It adds a whole new dimension to the term "physical fitness" and it certainly qualifies as an obscure patent. I haven't seen one at my gym yet and I hope I never do.


:yawn:

[jjwq8]

Yeah right and if you lie on your arm for twenty minutes beforehand it feels like somebody else is doing it..............

[bikemike]

No thank you, I'm changing enough of these already so I'll stick with laying out yesterday's newspaper.

How ridiculous.


:mad:

[dgunnels]

There was a piece about obscure patents on NPR this afternoon. :lol2:

[bikemike]

Finally an invention to liberate all the smokers out there. No longer will you be denied your right to puff up...provided an electrical outlet is nearby.

It's nice to see any stigma associated with smoking has now been removed.


:)

[Davestone]

Looks like it gets plugged in,i could use one at the casino :bow:

[bikemike]

Underwater golf anyone?

Why give up a stroke when you can play through.


:)

[dgunnels]

OK, now that's just flat goofy.

[sgrandjean]

Wow! Underwater wiffle golf!

[bikemike]

You want flat goofy? I'll give you flat goofy.

Physics and engineering majors will especially appreciate this one. This is one powerful circuit diagram (see text underlined in red.)

Funny, haven't seen this for sale yet. Go ahead and conjure up your own conspiracy theory on what happened to this earth-shattering breakthrough.

:eek:

[Westie]

That circuit schematic is nothing more than a very simple switching power supply.

[bikemike]

I think this patent is nothing more than a practical joke.

:)

[bikemike]

I just love this one for the picture. Can you guess which one is the troublemaker?

If this was my invention I'd take that partition, make it opaque and extend it floor to wall and seal off the front compartment while I'm at it. What they've got there is just a taunting plate like hockey rink glass.

:)

[jjwq8]

I sent the antenna guy an email.
Claims he got it before I sent it:D

[bikemike]

This shouldn't be necessary. I have a muffler for my car, lawnmower, anything that HAS to make noise.

I guess this is for people that just don't know when to shut up.


:blah:

[dgunnels]

I love the carseat partition but it definitely needs to be opaque. I guess the inventor hadn't yet been through the "he's looking at me." stage yet.

Problem with the human muffler is that it's voluntary. The listener needs to be the one in control of the device. :rofl:

[jjwq8]

Easy Neesie,
It's called 2x4 and it's application is "upside" the head.
:D

[dgunnels]

Effective but not very nice to go whacking your relatives about the head.

[MHI]

easy for you to say.:D

[bikemike]

For this inventor, the answer to the age-old joke is "zero"


Looks like a modified vesion of the Mouse Trap board game to me


:)

[bikemike]

Have Davestone, this guy's located in FL, maybe he needs some work done? Maybe you could pay him a visit and salvage some of your buckets along the way?

:lol2:

[flatfloor]

There go all those "how many ________ does it take to change a light bulb jokes. :D

[bikemike]

I would just love to see a kid flapping around in this thing. I wonder why the Diaper Prison never caught on, I'd use it on my kids at least until they were eighteen.


:)

[bikemike]

I'm all for protecting our brave men and women in blue, but I just don't see the value of this invention vs. wearing a vest.

Shots fired! Quick, everyone hide behind the little triangle on my trail bike!


:)

[Nightbeast]

These are all funny. What I don't understand though, is how the "Human Gas Filter Pad for Wearing in the Underwear" patent, number 398,994 is supposed to work in the "Garment Having a Buttocks Cleavage Revealing Feature", patent number 6,473,908?

[bikemike]

Okay, this might be helpful, but I doubt you could enforce the validity or use of this patent.

And what's wrong with the plain old white sheet? And why does a dead body need a shield anyway? For protection?


:)

[ddmoit]

At least that guy died with his boots on. :yeah:

[bikemike]

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to crawl into my peace pod.

I wonder if this guy is praying for feet. I hope he's getting his money's worth out of this ridiculous contraption. I'm no doctor but it looks like a giant rectum to me, and equally inviting.


:)

[dgunnels]

Is that a sleeping bag? That's what we call them.

Hey NIghtbeast, :topicoff: Are you an astronomer, amateur or otherwise?

[Nightbeast]

Neesie asked, "Hey Nightbeast, Are you an astronomer, amateur or otherwise?" Well, yes I am. How did you know? Would it be my Moon avatar that gave me away? I've been off and on of various levels of seriousness since I was about 10 years old. I'm early 40s now, so I've been watching the skies for a long time. I took a couple of college level courses in 2005 and won an award for best student. My teachers told me I already knew everything. It wasn't entirely true, but I did have a lifetime leg up on the other students.

[gwataloo]

Has anybody watched that show American Inventor. They have some doozies on there.

[Davestone]

Here's a neat site i found looking into pressure extractors.....http://database.findiplaw.com/dual-pressure_extraction_cleaner_5584094.html

[dgunnels]

Nightbeast, don't want to hijack Mike's thread. Send me an email and we'll chat.