First job

[flatfloor]

What was your first job? I was a 14 year old camel driver. This is the absolute, honest to God truth.

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[Harry]

Camel driver?! ..... Jim, how the heck can anyone compare to that :)
My first job was 13 or 14 part-time in a hardware store and the only camels where US smokes someone might have had at the time.

I'm cuious though, how did you end up with that kind of work?

[cx]

Oh, Harry! Why'd ya encourage him? You know he just made that up to get something started, and you had to bite!

My first job was Caddy. Carry big (for a 120 pound weakling) bags of sticks around a big expensive pasture for rich doctors and lawyers so's they could vent their frustrations on little white balls - and caddies.

Lived right next to the 18th fairway (in the cheep little houses that were once summer cottages of the formerly rich doctors and lawyers) and could have made lots of dinero were it not for a common childhood malady - laziness.

Caddied for the club Pro one time when Arnie Palmer was in the foursome. My first encounter with fame.

And Harry's right, Camels was for smokin' back then.

[John Bridge]

Yeah, Harry, I don't want to gang up on you, buddy, but you did bite.

Actually, I was a camel driver at age 12 (two full years before flatfloor), but I quit that to become an elephant swamper, you know hosing them down, stuffing hay up their . . ., etc.

I had a morning paper route when I was eleven. I had been on a waiting list for several months, during which time I sold papers on a corner after school. Guys used to sell their routes in those days. I sold my corner for $2 (American).

Hey you Canucks, At the time the Canadian dollar was worth U.S. $1.06. We used to love to get Canadian quarters and dimes. If you took a Canadian quarter to the corner store the guy would let you have .26 worth of stuff.

[flatfloor]

So John, you must know the story about the elephant swamper who was unhappy with the enama giving part and when asked why don't you quit he replied "what and give up showbiz?"

I was going to give a straight forward answer but since I have been unjustly accused of falsifying my meteoric career, rising from a humble camel driver to what I am today, a reformed felon, financial wizard and an ordained Minister of the Little Church in the Swamp, I will reveal all tomorrow. But I still say it's true!!

Harry, thank you for your faith, you shall be rewarded.

[Bud Cline]

"Hey Buckley"? I was humpin' when I was 14 too but that doesn't make me a camel driver.

[JC]

Ahhh, Flooring was my first job, mostly carpeting, haven't done anything else cept for general construction for a few years.

Some times I think back though on what my life would have been like had I followed a more fulfilling path like...Camel driving, but then again being a male porno star had a better ring to it at the time I must say.

[flatfloor]

Thanks JC, I forgot about being a porno star, that was when I was 15. The ladies all said I was big for my age.

No, Bud it certainly didn't, but it does sound like you might have been a sheep herder.

[John Bridge]

Yeah, well I had already run on so much I hesitated to relate my movie days . . .

Jim,

You don't know how close I came to telling the "show biz" thing. And how to properly water a camel as well!

[Harry]

Jim got me with the ...."This is the absolute, honest to God truth."
Hell, maybe he worked at a circus or something.
*sigh* ..... there's no way out of this is there.

[flatfloor]

John, you gotta b---- em right?

[John Bridge]

'fraid not, Harry.

You betcha, Jim.

[Bud Cline]

A sheephearder? Yeh you could say that. And like any diligent sheephearder I used my staff much too often.

Why I remember this one sheep, she was my favorite for a long time. I even kept a pink bow tied around her neck so I could tell her from the rest. Ewe she was somthin' else.

[cx]

You mean water'em with the two bricks, John?

[Rob Z]

BUD

really LMFAO!

Z

[Rob Z]

First real job, with a W2, that is:

Working at the Vet's office, cleaning up dog/cat poop and puke, holding the vein for the Doc to euthanise (sp) the animal, sweeping the floor, assisting in minor surguries, and putting the dead animals in the freezer. The vets preferred me to hold the animals because even then I was pretty big and not afraid to grab hold of the animals and keep 'em still for shots, stitches, etc.

The most memorable day at work was when one of the doctors came to me and said "Remember that beagle that we took care of last week? Well, the owner has changed her mind and wants the dog back for burial. Go dig it out of the freezer".

So, I had to unload all the frozen carcasses to get at the beagle at the bottom of the freezer.

[chip]

Sold them door to door, made something like a nickle a copy,11 years old, Owosso, Mi.

Lincoln elementary school, Nov. 22, 1963, 6th grade, out in the school yard at recess. The news spread like wild fire.

Where were you?

Art (got off early, frustration has set in) Phenis

[John Bridge]

Yeah, Kelly. Makes me so glad I didn't try to relate either of those tales. Re-relate, that is.

Bud, I'm laughing my ass off too. That was precious. Have you ever tried cows? Tell him the drawbacks, CX. Wait a minute. Which board are we on here?

How are you, Art?

[Bud Cline]

Thanks Z it's been a tuff room.

[Bud Cline]

Z.......did you know that "virgin wool" only comes from ugly sheep.


Two sheephearders are flying their heard of sheep to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine fails and the plane begins to fall rapidly to the ground.

Sheephearder #1: "Quick! Grab a parachute and jump"!

Sheephearder #2: "What about the sheep"?!?

Sheephearder #1: "Screw the sheep"!!!!

Sheephearder #2: (pause) "Do you think we have time"?


What do you call a guy standing on a street corner in Gallup New Mexico with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

[Rob Z]

Bud

We're not far from WVA here. Were men are men, and the sheep are scared.

Z

[chip]

Is that all there is to do in Nebraska? Watch football on Satrudays and tell and think up sheep jokes?

Do sheep eat corn?

I liked the virgin wool one though!!!

In Ohio the men are men and the sheep are GLAAAAAAADDD!!!

Art

[Bud Cline]

Residents of West Virginia have only recently discovered two new uses for sheep: Meat and Wool!

Davey was a young man from West Virginia. Davey was always up to something. Davey's father was livid when he walked around back of the trailer house and found Davey embraced with his prize ewe. "You had better explain yourself right this minute" yelled Davey's dad.

Davey thought for a minute and replied: "Well dad, it ain't love........but it ain't baaaaaaaaaad either.



Speaking of West Virginia. What does a Texas tornado have in common with a West Virginia divorce?

In both cases sombodies gonna lose a trailer house.

[cx]

John, they playin' rough and talkin' dirty!

[Bud Cline]

THE END

[flatfloor]

Salesman's car breaks down in a little town, Hastings Ne. can't get parts for 2 weeks, bored he goes into the local watering hole
Salesman to bartender: Got anything to do around here, maybe some ladies?
Bartender: Nope, all we got is some sheep up in the hills.
Salesman: Oh no, not for me, that's terrible
Salesman, one week later: Are you sure, nothing but sheep?
Bartender: Yup that's it, hey try it nobody will know.
Salesman: I'll think about it.
Next night the salesman walks into the bar with a sheep under his arm, immediately everybody (Bud included) dives under tables, out the windows, behind the bar. Bewildered he asks what's wrong? The bartender peeks over the bar and says "That's the sherrif's girl!"

[flatfloor]

I think I'll end the suspense b4 this thread gets shut down.

Harry, you were close, I worked in the Bronx Zoo. There were children's rides on Donkeys, Llamas, baby Elephants, Ponies and last but not least Camels.

They are without a doubt some of the dumbest, meanest animals ever created. Bite, kick and if they can get you up against a wall will try to crush you, plus they drool a lot.

We also took care of a herd of Elk, actually we just threw hay over a fence to them. There was a bull named Beau with a trophy sized rack of antlers. Can you imagine a herd of Elk on about 20 acres in the middle of NYC?

[John Bridge]

Off subject, but who cares?

On my way to France in 1961 I got stuck in the repo depot at Ft. Dix, N.J. Went AWOL over the weekend to New York (da City). Ended up conveying a gal from Coney Island to her home in Brooklyn. She lived in one of those areas where there is no grass, only concrete for front yards -- for everything (Geez, even Archie Bunker had a strip of grass, didn't he?)

Maria was her name, and I says hey, no grass, no trees . . .

She says, "If I wanna see a tree I go to the park (pronounced "pawk.") She meant Central Park, I suppose.

[flatfloor]

And ?

[cx]

Da ventriloquist visits the Indian village and is being given a tour by the Chief and other dignitaries. They come to the horse corral and the Chief's horse is pionted out.

Ventriloquist to horse: "How do you like being the Chief's horse"?

Chief: "Horse no talk".

Horse: "I like it fine. Chief is a good man. Only ride me hard in battle. Give me plenty oats."

Chief (scratching head): "Horse never talk before".

They come upon the Chief's dog.

Ventriloquist to dog: "How do you like being the Chief's dog"?

Chief: "Dog no talk".

Dog: "I like it fine. Chief is a good man. Let me sleep in teepee in winter. Feed me plenty meat".

Chief (scratching head again): "Dog never talk before".

They come to a flock of sheep and the Ventriloquist approaches one.

Ventriloquist: "How do you like being the Chief's sheep"?

Chief: "SHEEP LIES!!!"

[Bud Cline]

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[John Bridge]

And what?

Wanna see a picture of Maria and me in 1961?

[Rob Z]

Sure, why not?

[flatfloor]

1961-? Maria-? Brooklyn-? John did she have a mole on her..

[John Bridge]

Damn, was that you lurking round the corner (pronounced cawner)?

I've got a slide somewhere. I'll have to get it converted. Maybe JC can tell me how to scan it. I swear, we're standing in/on her front yard. Solid concrete as far as the eye can see. Damned amazing to this old West Coast type dude.

[Rob Z]

John

Is this the photo the MP's will use when they come bust you for being AWOL? What's the statute of limitations in the UCMJ for this?

Speaking of AWOL, where is Flattile?

Rob

[John Bridge]

I guess flatile Phenis is still fixin' his house. Probably would have had it done by now if he'd hired a pro.

AWOL in the Army is a relative term. You're not officially AWOL until you get caught. In this case, I was in transit. Some dipshit sergeant told us on Friday afternoon that we couldn't go off post over the weekend. Ha!

Following couple of weeks I was AWOL in Orleans, France because some dipshit sergeant wouldn't give me a weekend pass. Ha!

[Rob Z]

John, you're making me laugh.

Where's Dave Ashton. His former officer self might get his nose outta joint about this.

[JC]

SHEEP LIES!!....that was funny as hell.

[JC]

computer orphan...works for me.