*Deep Thoughts*

[Hobbit]

"Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out here? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain----unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt."


:):)

[Edited by on 11-13-2002 at 07:10 PM]

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[Bud Cline]

OK Hobbit why don't you just come over here and have a seat on this nice soft couch? Lay back if you want, get comfy. Can we get you a pillow?:)

Now what is it you teach by the way Hobbit? Oh....and do you teach children?:)

[bbcamp]

Ya ever drive down a road that is normally busy, but for some reason, there is nobody around? NOBODY! No lights in the houses, no cars, no dogs, no nuthin'!


Kind of like you missed the evacuation message...

[Bud Cline]

.....kinda like living in Nebraska!

[tomtuttle]

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"

-- Jack Handy

[Hobbit]

Good one TT!

Ole Jack sure knows his stuff, don't he!!:D

:):)

[Cami A]

Hobbit, what's the name of that desert in North Carolina again? :confused:

[John Bridge]

Fort Bragg. :)

[rj]

Hey bbcamp
that exact thing happened to me one day in the winter on my way to work...it was dark out..Early morning..no other cars on the road for the 15 mile drive.
only 2 or 3 houses had lights on ( ok there's not a lot of houses 'round here ) REAL SPOOKY
damn hair was standing up on the back of my neck...
I approached the Parking lot at work.....EMPTY !

Just then I realized.....IT'S SUNDAY

man did I feel STOOOPID !

[Hobbit]

Cami, ..North Carolina ain't got no steenkin desert!! Allegory, my fine lady, allegory!!;)

J.B., ..I'll have you know that Fort Bragg is a fine stand-up place! Used to live there, I did. Also used to march and sweat, run and sweat, bivouac and sweat, etc......Had my fill of that too!!:(

Seriously, (for a second only!!) I assumed you (ya'll, yu'ns) would recognize the quote by the thread title, "Deep Thoughts." TT picked up on it.:)

My apologies to Jack Handy, should have put his moniker down there I guess.:)

:):)

[Cami A]

I figured this was going to be revealed as an experiment on plagarism and the Internet and the far-reaching repercussions of uncredited sources. :rolleyes:


Did you ever solve the problem of gullible people in the academic world? I'm betting on a memo...;););)

[Hobbit]

Nope, sorry Cami! Didn't solve it, didn't really expect to. But.......I sure caught hell about my experiment!!:(

Now, I done 'splained about how I went and done a stoopid thing........and I promised I wouldn't never do nuthin like that again........really. !!!

This is for real! I'm sure some of our well read contributors are aware of "Deep Thoughts." Used to be on television years ago.:)

:):)

[cx]

OK, I'll bite, what's a "television"?

I know what them "Deep Thoughts" are. :)

And I damn sure know about drivin' across them deserts. :D

[Cami A]

{Sigh} Yes, Hobbit, I know, I know, I know...I really was just poking at you a bit. You didn't really think you were going to get off that easily, did ya? ;)


Just for you...

If you're at Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"

[flatfloor]

Cami, you getting cabin fever already? http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/fragend/fragend012.gif

[Cami A]

Yes... :(

[John Bridge]

Howard,

In my 10-year army tenure I managed to avoid Fort Bragg. For my penance I spent three years at Fort Benning. :)

[Hobbit]

Gosh JB-------I am really sorry! That's an awfully long sentence (er...I mean penance).:D

Actually, I guess there are worse places. In fact, I know there are. One of em is not too far from you JB. I had a vehicle break down on old Route 66 (the highway not the television show!!) one time in Moriarity (sp??) NM. This was in the late 60's. Now let me tell you, if you were going to give the world an enema, that's where you would put the hose!:(

:):)

[Hobbit]

Yeah, Good one Cami! I don't remember that one.:)

How about this one.

*Deep Thoughts*

"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind." Basically, its made up of two separate words---"mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."


"A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby.""

:):)

[Bud Cline]

Hobbit,

I see you have never been to Shamrock Texas have you?

[John Bridge]

Where is Shamrock? I've been to Mexia. :)

On second thought, don't tell us where Shamrock is. Sonnie will be wanting me to go to a goat cook-off up there or something just as enticing. :D

[K_Tile]

"The world is a tuxedo and I'm a pair of brown shoes." Saw that written on the back of a dirty semi trailer

[tomtuttle]

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

-- Jack Handy

[flatfloor]

OK, who's Jack Handy?

[Hobbit]

Jim:

Can't tell you for sure if its a stage name or real. Can't tell you when it started. Really can't tell you much at all about "him???";)

I do remember "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" as being a television "bit" done years ago on an evening show (Saturday Night Live??? or ???). It struck me then as being absurd to the point of being hilarious. It remains around in several forms today. Some of the stuff leads you on pretty good then when you think you understand what you thought he said, it all blows up on you.

Some others here probably know a lot more about this than I do. I just like the stuff!!:D

:):)

[flatfloor]

Thanks Hobbit, I did a quick search after I asked, does look like Sat, Nite, found one whole website devoted to his stuff including some qouted here. :)

[Paul D.]

Backin'up....Hobbit, my good man, I think Houston is closer to Atlanta than Moriarty, NM (which I have been to, as well as Shamrock, TX!). It's a long way out there! How does it go...when you are in Amarillo, you are closer to the capitol of 5 other states than you are to Austin.

[cx]

Actually I'm more than somewhat surprised that ol' Bud didn't get all uppity about your characterization of Moriarty, Harold, it bein' real close to Cline's Corners, a place to which Bud claims some attachment. :)

But for driving across the desert and bein' inna middle of nowheres a-tall, let me tell you about the time I ran out of gas betwix Post and Snyder, Texas back in the very early seventies. Had I caught a ride to a gas station in either direction with my two gallon can, I woulda run out of gas again afore I got to either place. On Sunday afternoon. Couple roughnecks stopped and gave me most of five gallons from a can on their maintenance truck. Wondrous good fortune that. Wondrous desolate place that, too. :)

[Bud Cline]

;)

[Sonnie Layne]

Dem folks out there gotta have a Suburban what's got two 20 gallon gas tanks. It'll take one to get you to the post office, then you fill up at the one gas station, and drive back to the hacienda. Be surprised how many private planes are owned there.

[Hobbit]

Well, I'm sure you guys are probably right about those particular points in Texas! And no, I can't recall ever having had the pleasure of transporting through Shamrock, TX. I have spent a little time in Texas though. Back when I was a young lad we (my family) had the exquisite pleasure of living in Midland for a few years. I still remember it well (at least part of it, most notably the smell!!). I know its a wild, untamed wilderness out there.;)

Now about Moriarity-----!! I realize that some of you are my elders and probably remember Route 66 (not the television show!!).;) But how many of you have driven it?? All of it. End to freakin end.!!:( Well, I have. And let me tell you, it warn't no picnic. One of the hottest, driest, most barren drives I've ever made over the left (west) half of it. It finally became bearable when it turned north through Missouri. At that time a small gas station/diner on the highway marked Moriarity. No pavement, just dust and sand. Old buzzing neon lights that only half worked, a grizzled old jack rabbit sitting by the only gas pump, a rattlesnake slithering away toward the outside toilet, and what was left of a screen door banging in the wind. If you braved the environment enough to go inside, you were greeted by a toothless hag behind the counter that looked down her nose at you and roaches (honest to God) almost as big as your hand, crunching underfoot. I was stuck there for two days trying to get a waterpump and when I left I didn't even glance in the mirror.

Now understand, I like NM. At least most of it.:) And Paul, you're probably right about Houston being closer to Atlanta. But its also a hell of a lot closer to Moriarity than I am, and I aim to keep it that way.:)

:):)

[Hobbit]

Jim, I didn't know there was a website for Jack Handy stuff!! I'll have to look it up. Thanks!!:)

*Deep Thoughts*

"I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it."


"If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey look, he's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, its a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink."

:):)

[flatfloor]

That old hag was the first Mrs. Col Saunders, it was her recipe! ;)

[Sonnie Layne]

Tread lightly on the Col. . He was a good soul.

Why isn't there incense-flavoured popsicles? I suppose it's for much the same reason that rainbow trout don't look like Jane Mansfield.

[rj]

Sonnie, You been pickin' yer own mushrooms again ? ;)

[Sonnie Layne]

That was in a prior life, when I discovered the secret of growing your own.

Now I can't blame it on anything (except every few months, then I have good excuse). I was just playin' along with Handy's stuff. He ate more mushrooms than I ever stepped on. :D

[Hobbit]

"Deep Thoughts"

"The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car--I forget what kind it was-- and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you."

:):)

[Sonnie Layne]

What was it he'd say, whilst looking in a mirror??? he always ended saying "and by gosh I'm worth it!"

Is that where L'oreal got there slogan for hair colourant?

Or have I skipped a key and landed somewhere between the ebony and the ivory? What key would that be? Can it be translated into baritone ukelele sheet music? Could John's bird be taught to play it? Would we recognize it as music?

[Hobbit]

You're as lost as Jack Handy!;)

I......I.....don't know what to say!!:D

:D:D