Tricks we play on our helpers

[scott anthony]

This Thread ought to be good can't wait read the hilarity.

Today I had a Job with no base cheap ceramic, just the right kind of job for a grinder instead of the wet saw.
I sent my new guy out to make a cut and as he turns on the grinder he gets swarmed by locust, and he hates bugs. The grinder must have some kind of mating call sound or something. So I tell him that happens all the time and my old guy use to make loud screeching noises while he cut and they would not bother him. All day he went out and made these crazy noises as he cut, I laughed so hard I cried. I watched the neighbors scratch there head as what was going on.
It was hilarious.
Oh and yes I am a trouble maker, but time flies and it's in good fun.

[Sponsored Links]

[e3]

The big question is did it help with the bugs??

[JTG]

We were doing the floors at an airpost and I told the helper. " Go up to the flight line and get some prop wash from mechanics in that big hanger over there. Here take a couple 5 gallon buckets. Stuff is the best for cleaning grout." He actually got the buckets and went over there looking for prop wash.
I was in an aviation unit in the Army and we would always send the new guys up to get a bucket of prop wash on GI party days. I bet 90% of the time off he would go.
:devil2:
JTG

[michaelhazuka]

Re-route the water line from the tub saw so that it sprays him in the crotch...that's usually a Friday trick. Works every time....you would think he would catch on by now...... :scratch:.

Wet sponge resting on his heel when he kneels down(water mark on his @ss)....a dab of grout on the underside of his grout float handle.....Pretty much the same old tricks, but it's always funny to see the reaction.

Stupid tricks occupy about 10% of the day, but it makes the day seem like it's going by faster than usual.

[scott anthony]

Love the hose saw trick, I'm there.

[opiethetileman]

blade on the grinder backwards. I had a helper once I needed to install a showewr valve. I had him start I went outside and as soon as he was close it ready to cut i turned the water back on funny.

[John Bridge]

The old favorite used to be sending the guy out to the truck to fetch the circular cutting board.

And then those crafty Italians actually invented a circular cutting board, so that ended that one. :D

[John Corley]

My helper did not clean the trowells he was using (mine) before he went to lunch one time so we put a condom over the handle of the margin and left it where he would find it...

We did something else to the condom but I hesitate to describe it in very much detail here at the family show....

We had some good ones in the Marines. I will save for later posts.

[Davy]

I might fill this thread up, I've had a lot of helpers in the past. :)

I had one guy that liked to rock the outhouse every time I went out there. I told him I'd get him back. I waited a day or two and while he was in there I rocked the house so much it sloshed water all in side. I opened the door and he had blue water dripping from his hair. He had the nerve to get mad. :D

[opiethetileman]

Davy we had a guy that use to be the king of the plop john. So we used clear wrap plastic and wrapped him in it. talk about funnt he tried to slab the door and bust it open when he did it fell and he was a white guy turned brown. nasty.

[Danny Ferguson]

I had a helper who had IBS reallll bad one day. We must have stoped three times before we got to the job. When we arrived to the job, he flared up again, with no outhouse or woods around. I told him to grab a bucket, and go to the other end of the house. About the time he got back there the customer walks in. She asked me how things are going. I told here everything was going great, and asked her if she had seen the masterbath finished product yet. Oh! your done with the master, which was on the other end of the house. I just have to go see it. She headed that way. I heard her say hello to the helper, and I herd him tell her he was just cleaning up a few psc of tile left in the room. I was on my back busting at the seams, when he came walking down the hall holding the bucket over the top of his head.

[mosquito]

Geez, and you guys wonder why you have so much trouble keeping a good helper! :yeah:

[Davestone]

I was on a crew that had a few good ones..we would get a new guy, and tell him( hey, go over and ask Jimbob about his sister..he keeps bragging about what a great ice skater she is,i think she was in the olympics, or something, but he likes to talk about her,you might even get a raise if you suck up a little bit)Jimbob was in on the gag, and when the guy asked,Jimbob would say( hey, my sister is crippled, she's in a wheelchair, you tryin to be funny?) Of course we all were no where to be found when this happened..you should have seen the look on these guys faces..i laugh to this day! :D

[Davestone]

We were doing a mall, and there were three crews of setters and helpers.Each of us helpers had a war going on, and we used to sneak around with gravel in our pockets...when a guy would mix a bucket of mud, we would sneak around and throw a handfull of gravel in the bucket, just before he was about to start spreading..ever try to spread thinset and gravel with a 3/8" notch? :goodluck:

[Davestone]

I filled the end of the motor on a felker saw with blue chalk ..squirted it out of the bottle, into the air fan..when he started the saw up you could se a cloud of blue smoke three miles away. :shrug:

[marc4790]

Hi Scott. I couldn't read your story without recalling when I was "bombed" by a cicada everytime I used my circ saw with a diamond blade to cut Hardie board. There must be something in the frequency of the noise from the saw. it has happened several times, even after I showered so I know it's not just me!
marc

[Davy]

Years ago I had a helper fresh out of High School and we were doing a job in Yorba Linda, California. The owners has several acres of avacado groves behind their house. One day after eating lunch we went back there, picked a few and started throwing them at each other. I hit him a time or two so he started running. He run all over that place like a 10 year old. When it come time to go back to work, he wasn't around. I went back to work and he come in a while later with blood running down his face, he caught a limb about eye level. He didn't think it was funny like I did. :D

[ob1kanobee]

I hid a fake mouse behind the stove once we had to move before we set tile. After I unpluged the stove I grabbed the mouse by the tale and walked close to my helper and as I held it near his face I said "Look what I found behind the stove" and proceeded to chase him. He never knew the mouse was fake and I always got a laugh when I saw the look on his face every time I had him pull out another stove and reach down to unplug it. A few weeks later I even grabbed him to scare him and he almost hit the oven hood. Its bad enough you gotta worry about getting shocked by the stove let alone a mouse getting you :devil:

[Brian in San Diego]

Davestone,

You were on a roll...three posts in about five minutes! I was laughing at the gags and smiling thinking you would get one posted and think of another...and another. Well done!

Brian

[JTG]

My son was helping me one summer and we had to move a stack washer/dryer. When it came time to put it back I had him (being the long lanky one in the family) plug in the dryer. So he is laying across the top of the machine reaching back behind it and uses his finger to find the plug and when he did it blew him back across the kitchen (narrow condo affair) up against the cabinets and he slides to the floor with this wild look on his face.
He was wearing a neck chain and it had made contact with the machine and when his finger went across the plub BAMM. There was a red ring around his neck where is was burned slightly.
Customer had been kind of a jerk up to that point and a prince after. :blah:
JTG

[ob1kanobee]

This was one pulled on me. The guys at the shop new how much I hated snakes, so they put a dead black snake on my wet saw. I loaded my wet saw in the truck and I thought something was weird but I thought nothing of it. I got to the job, unloaded the saw and asembled it on the stand when I noticed the black snake which blended in extremely well with the black cord. I immediately began to run and jump up and down and pat myself all over because I thought there was snakes on me. The customer ran outside and was like whats wrong and I'm yelling there's snakes on me and my saw. He calmed me down and told me it was dead, but I insisted that snakes play dead and it was actually alive. I told him i would have to call someone to remove it since the guys had done a really good job of lodging it (this whole time I did not know my tile buddies from the shop had put the snake there). The customer I'm sure thought I was crazy but he then got a garbage bag and disposed of the serpent. The next day I was at the shop and told the guys your not gonna beleive what happened to me! After getting halfway through with my story they could not refrain any longer and I found out they put the snake there. I thought the snake was just slithering around and got lodged in the saw and died. Now every time I go to pick up my saw, I watch for snakes :eek:

[Davy]

Speaking of snakes, I took a rubber snake to the job. The carpenters had been working in the attic the day before so I got there early the next morning. There was a folding ladder that went into the ceiling in the garage. I pulled it down enough to coil the snake up there and shut it back. The carpenter got there to the job and yanked the ladder down and the snake hit him in the chest before falling to the floor. I thought he was gonna die right there. :lol1:

[ob1kanobee]

Davy, just for that I would have had to put a zip tie on your driveshaft where you would not find it right away so when you drove around you would keep hearing some ticking noise and wonder where the heck it was coming from.

[ob1kanobee]

I will never forget the day my partner and I were installing cork sound control with that really nasty cork glue. My buddy was trying to get the cork to stretch a little by kicking it ya know with his feet, but wasn't getting desired results. I said maybe if you run then jump you can stretch it futher. Well he did and when he hit that cork, it ripped and hefell backwards an d the back of his legs, but, back and hair were covered in glue. After I found out he didn't crack his head open, I laughed my butt off. He did not think it was funny at all. I did however offer to buy him a hair cut, cause he could not get that glue out

[scott anthony]

Awesome guy's the snakes I love it.
The can and drive shaft thing was played on me, I thought it was pebbles in my hub cap. They set it up perfect it only rubbed once in a while.
Oh and a good ole shake of the soda can prior to morning break works well.

[marc4790]

Where i worked as a nuse practitioner in an inner city emergency room we would sometimes take a new orderly to the morgue. We would warn them that sometime the bodies would move as their bodies released electrical activity from the nervous system. Another employee would be lying on a morgue gurney. When we would come in he would sit up and stare straight ahead scaring the hell out of the new employee. They took it in good fun once the initial fright had passed.
marc

[Davestone]

Not a trick on a helper, but on a homeowner..when i was a younger tileguy, i used to get on a job where the homeowner was home, and if they seemed like a pain, when i first started the job i used to love to stand in the middle of the house scratching my head, then break out one of my How To Tile books and start flipping through the pages....the look on their face..priceless :tup2: Even got kicked off one job, they didn't believe i was just joking. :D Speaking of spiders and snakes,when i was in the Army in Ft. Sill Ok. i once saw a huge tarantula walking in the motor pool,i put a bucket over it with a rag in it..i sent a new private over to get the bucket, the spider had crawled up in the bucket, he brought it over and i asked him to give me the rag inside...when that spider fell outta that rag...priceless. :D

[shortguy]

Had a customer always nosing around while I tiled basement floor, when I started to tile the stair way I heard her coming, as she got to the door and it started to open I started to bark like a mad dog the door only opened an inch or two then slammed shut. Didnt see her again till time to collect. Joe.

[Trask]

Zip Ties ....the big zip ties that are like 2ft. long. You get inside a guys truck with an armload of zip ties and go to work on it.

Also a dab of superglue on the tile you hand the helper to "cut". :rofl:

[Autoplay]

Back in my Union days long ago....we had a greenpea helper show up to the job. He asked what all the lines on the floor were for,and I started explaining to him how the gridlines are used for knowing where to put the grout. After sounding convincing to this poor soul....he then proceeded to try to preform grout lines over the chalklines LOL. After about 10 minutes he realized it was impossible to do/grin. Was good for a laff.

Nailing workboots and tool buckets to the floor I'm sure has been done by lots. Another good trick is to cut the bottom out of a tool bucket,reload the SuCkA's tools back in the bucket,and watch his/her reaction when they start to lift up on the bucket LOL.

[Mountain Tile]

one of the guys in my shop taped a sign on the license plate of my truck (proud member of gay bikers association) the only night I backed into my driveway on a busy street drinking beer in my driveway wondering why everyone was looking at me funny. next day I put lithum grease on the underside of the door handle of his truck fun stuff.

[Davestone]

I saw a guy dump a bag of perlite in a guys diamond plate pickup tool box once.We were all drinkin and we went out to the parkin lot, and this guy grabs a bag of perlite out of the van, and dumps the whole thing in his tool box, and we drove off laughin..we worked for a different co. but drank with the victim,he was a bigshot,braggin a-hole...bummer was..we couldn't find out what happened or we'd give ourselves away...but it had to be funny! :D

[opiethetileman]

ok today i am working in one of my flip and sell problems. I had the chop saw out winging out some crown and some base just cruzin along. I was smokin a cigar I got down to the nubby so i tossed it on the floor. not thinking. About an hour later i smelt something. i tossed it in the sawdust pile. So I get that cleaned up and look I burnt a big area in the hardwood floor. Good thing I havent sanded it yet.

[shortguy]

This happened to an old neighbor of mine, he told me he was on his way home from work one night and the whole drive people are giving him the bird and yelling at him and he's thinking what the hell's going on ? He gets home and sees his co workers found a dead cat on the job site and tied it to his rear bumper with about 10 feet of rope. Joe.

[jdm]

And who was it that wonders why jobs fall behind schedule? :D

[jay f]

This one wasn't done to a helper, it was done to me. I was doing the cutting, layout, etc. for an old boss, constantly begging to do and learn more, and my boss said that I can grout this current job (this was about 12 years ago). 650 sq. ft. of 8x8 tile, 3/16 grout joint, TEC raven grout, 2 four gallon buckets to work with, 1 sponge. All he said was, enjoy, and call me when your done. :sick: :eek:

[jdm]

Raven, I presume is TEC's two-dollar word for BLACK.

[NVC]

I personally don't like to start ongoing wars, but I did see a funny one . . .

New guy at work, about 3 months onboard gets a brand new pick-up, and is just grinning from ear to ear about it, explaining the warranty package and the great deal he got . . . I didn't think to question why the foreman was going on about 'bumper to bumper warranties' not covering transmissions . . .

He was busy working and the foreman took a quart of motor oil and made a nice little puddle under his tranny and splashed it up under his transmission. On break foreman is walking talking to victim who wants to go out and sit in his new truck and says "What the hell is that? Is that coming out of your truck?"

Guy says "No, musta been there" and scruntches down to take a look and half yells and half moans an "awe $hit!" (I guess he didn't know the smell of tranny fluid)

Foreman says "That's the tranny too, I bet those buns o' sitches sold ya a lemon!"

Victim is hotter than hell's BBQ on 4th of July, telling everyone how he's gonna shove the truck up the dealer's such and such. Makes an angry phone call to the dealership talking about 'lemon laws' in CA and is driving it back after work.

The foreman let him off the hook at quitting time, but only after he stewed the whole day.

It was amusing to watch and hear :yeah:

Mark

[Hamilton]

Thats a good one Mark :yeah: After a long night of festivities my stomach
was a bit sour and foul .... My helper left the bathroom we were working
in so of course i freely let one go. When he came back i asked him... "Do you
smell something burning!!?" He immediately emptied his lungs of all air and
took the biggest sniff ive ever seen. I guess youd hafta to be there to see
the look on his face, but i think you can imagine :x: :x:

[doitright]

One of my old wet saws is the type that the blade sits in the water. My helper was told to fill the water tray to the top (about double the water needed). He turned on the saw for a cut, and got totally soaked. Even with the guard the water hit the ceiling!

[tileguytodd]

Years ago after an annual cleaning and organizing of the truck, i found the 8 caulking guns that it seems we are all required to own ( since you wont find one till you go buy a new one)

We had a new collage kid helping at the time. He was summer help on a large project. Anyways we sharpied an L and an R on evry other gun and sent him out for a caulking gun to the truck.
On his return we promptly explained by pointing at the L that he had brought a left handed gun and we really needed a right handed gun..............He of course being a collage graduate immedietly said Hey, there is no such thing as a right and left handed caulking gun.

We immedietly agreed with him explaining that that was truly the case with the common gun but that tilers guns had requirements due to the confines we worked in around showers etc and that we did indeed have left and right handed guns...................Scratching his head he said " Oh, i thought you guys were just pulling a ****** on me, i'll be right back"

We were in tears all day and nicknamed him lefty for the duration of the summer.

He was a really good sport, a damn hard worker and a fine lad................ive missed that kid since :)

[Mountain Tile]

hey jack i had a helper who would be in the other room when i would let one rip. when he returned i would ask him why the thinset stinks and he would stick his head in the bucket and take a wiff. and he would fall for it all the time. :yeah:

[Grout_Girl]

Im a newbie (grouter) and you guys just think you're so funny huh? :rofl:

My first week, a painter asked what room it was that we were working on. The tilesetter I was working with said, "its the master bedroom." when I asked.

So I told the painter, "its the master-bedroom..." While my hand was resting on the piping that was going to go the kitchen island sink. Painter gave me a puzzled look and tilesetter was laughing his ass off! :lol1:

That was one of my blonder moments thanks to that tilesetter!!! Now I always make sure I know where I am!

[EEEO]

i found the 8 caulking guns that it seems we are all required to own ( since you wont find one till you go buy a new one)

At least I'm not the only one. :lol1:

[Davy]

I think I've told this story once but it's worth repeating. Back in the mid-seventies we were tiling a Ponchos restaurant in California. The painters that were hired were always messing with each other. One of the painters put a full 5 gallon bucket of white paint at the bottom of another guy's ladder. Yep, he stepped in it alright, all the way to the bottom. Everyone on the job was laughing. :D The guy with the white boot was really mad, I wasn't sure what he was going to do. Later that day I was outside and watched him climb up on the roof with a bucket, turned out to be about half paint and half water. He waited for the other painter to come outside and he dumped it on the guy. Paint went everywhere, splashed on the outside walls and all over the sidewalk. They were fired that day. :)

[doitright]

When I was doing carpentry work, the crew I was with was ruthless. The newbie (on the crew) would be standing on a wooden sawhorse, another crew member would walk by and drive a nail through the sole of the newbies boot into the sawhorse. Not too much fun coming down from the sawhorse! :eek:

Another one would be to take a fellow workers tools out of his toolbox, drive a concrete nail through the toolbox into the concrete slab, then put all the tools back. Those toolboxes would seem real heavy when trying to move them! :D

[Star]

I'm an electrician and I don't mess with plaster/painters anymore, I gentlty floated a huge rat trap in a five gallon bucket of paint, when the guy went to dip his brush in, Wack!! paint was everywhere..
Next day every box I installed was perfectly filled and taped with mud (guy worked overtime!)

Had a good laugh, and did the whole job all over again...

[scott anthony]

A simple one I do to the new ones and it works every time sometimes twice.
I backbutter a tile, a nice thick butter. I tell him how the tile activates a heat:). I have him go for a quick feel and WHAM :lol1: :lol1: :lol1: Really harmless but worth a quick laugh.

[bobturner]

when I was a helper the guy I was working for told me the scorer was a tile stretcher. I still call it that. the worst thing he ever did was throw rocks down the vent tube of the potapotty. I came out with blue water all over my white shirt. So me and the other helper waited and got him good. I pretended to go to the bathroom, and my friend was on the roof with a 5 gallon bucket o thinset. He was pissed andkept trying to get us back. It was all out war by then . I remember the nail hole in the sonic cup was funny. every time the guy took a sip a dribble of soda would spill on his shirt. Then we put a raibow sticker on his bumper and tied 1000 feet of caution taper to the rear end. he didnt realize it until he hit the highway. Then we put a few hundred marbles in his back seat so the first time he stepped on the brakes they all came rolling out from under the seat. He showed up to lunch and opened his door and they all fell out. he was red and I almost pissed my pants I was laughing so hard

[Hamilton]

My helper played a trick on our boss one summer. Septic tank guy killed
a rattle snake with a flat shovel and gave us the headless corpse. My helpler
knew our boss was coming to get his tile saw so he put a pile of junk/tools
etc all around it with one "easy to move stack of buckets" in front of the saw.
under the buckets was the headless snake coiled up with the rattles sticking up
through the coil. Ive never seen a man more pissed off storming straight for me. all i could say in a half choked voice was "It wasnt me!" :rofl:

[dgunnels]

This thread has been hilarious. DH told me one they do at work. The guys/girls lock their roll-around tool boxes since they don't trust their co-workers. And well they shouldn't. Sombody will slip a tube between the drawer opening and filled the drawer bottom with epoxy. It takes hours to chip the tools free. :devil:

Another one...epoxying a hammer to the top of the tool box; right where the person left it.

[opiethetileman]

When I was in school we had hardwood floors. so we would take a quarter and epoxy a 3 1/2 framing nail to it. then go in the hallway and nail it down. then when the bell rang wow look out whoever went to go pick it up got steam rolled over. it was funny

[Davestone]

My wife was a waitress years ago when she first got to Fl.,she was 18...She told me when she first started at this one place called The Jug,they would have a Friday fish fry.Well one guy wants to know what kind of fish it is..they were real busy that day,so she runs back and asks the cook and he tells her..she runs back and says in a loud voice "he says it's Florida Cooter"....you could hear a pin drop until the laughter started..then you couldn't hear an A bomb.They still talk about it to this day. :D

[NVC]

Dan :rofl: Good memories with your story.
I welded a 50 cent piece to a 20d in H.S. metal shop and drove it into the railroad tie planterbox next to my folk's front porch. After my pop broke his fingernail the first night . . .

We used to die laughing at every saleperson/raffle/religeous/girlscout cookie/etc. that tried to yank it after the door closed and we peeked out the window. (yeah, we had a warped cents of humor, but it was a riot) They'd all try their damn'dest and all the while turning back to look and see if they were being watched before they'd give up.
:yeah: Dang quitters, I would have came back with a pry bar and a sledge.

Mark

[Davestone]

Long true story, i was about 13.....We lived on a farm when i was a kid, and my old man had quite a few tricks he liked.We lived real close to a graveyard that had real old tombstones some even had pics of the people buried there,on the gravestones.Very eeery...Well i had cousins and uncles that live in St. Louis that liked to come out to the farm to bass fish.The old man liked to get them loaded on moonshine,or homemade wine,and tell them the story of old Albert Irvin, who was buried there.He said if you go down at night and knock on his tombstone and said"Albert,what you doin down there?"...Albert would say"nuthin"Well, i would act all scared and swear it was true and i wouldn't dare go down there..the place was covered with huge oak trees.While they were drinkin and sayin they were goin down there, i would sneak down there and climb up on the tree right above Alberts grave, and take an old gunny sack we had stuffed and painted to look like a scarecrow,and had a rope tied to it.Well here they would come,my old man would act all scared and refuse to get outta the truck,they would come up and knock on the stone, about that time i would let go with a holler, and drop the dummy on em.It worked many times.The funny thing is the uncles and cousins knew about it, but they would always bring someone who didn't so we could play the joke on em.Well one year we set my old man up,we got together and said we're gonna get him this year since he scared all us so many times.Little did we know my mother was out to get us.This time we go ahead and do it, but we won't let my old man sit in the truck,he's gotta go with them,i had a buddy that lived near by,go down there and hide behind one of the tombstones,all dressed like a dead guy, and told him just about the time we do it, to grab my old man by the ankle...we'll all get a big laugh.Little did i know my mom had hid in the woods...we all get there, and get set up,i'm up in the tree, and just about the time he knocks..my mom lets out a scream from the woods that would scare a tiger, we about crapped our pants, i fell outta the tree, and my old man ran over my buddy comin out from behind the tombstone, and we all took off for the truck...my old man is the first one there,jumps in and locks the Damn doors, and we're shi*&^%n bricks...we all run off to the house..here comes the old man and my mom drivin up in the truck laughin like you wouldn't believe.

[NVC]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Dave, my eyes were watering I was laughing so hard.

Speaking of dummies dropping out of trees . . . As kids (9 or 10) we thought it'd be a good idea to build a dummy, and attach it to a cord up in a tree and plop it down either in front of a car driving in the neighborhood.
It, in hindsight, wasn't a good idea, because we did it in my buddies folk's curbside tree, in a housing tract in Anaheim,CA.
The red Vette came around the corner and we plopped in down, trying to get it in front of the bumper, well, we missed and it bounced off of the windshield and on his lap through the T-top. He squeals his tires and comes to a halt, and where our plan wasn't a good one, because the white cord going up to the tree came straight down to the bush we were hiding in.

He stormed right pass the bush and went straight for the front door and pounded on it. "Whew!" we thought, "He didn't see us" then Brian's (our friend with the tree) mom opens the door, hears the story, and somehow knew exactly which bush we were in.
The moral of the story is all 5 of us spent the rest of summer vacation mowing lawns and picking weeds to pay for 'the bald spots' we 'allegedly' caused on some low profile Corvette tires instead of buying sling-shots, BB-guns, arcade games, and ice-cream truck stuff.. (which now, I believe our folks might have subsidized our earnings)
Our folks told us later that he thought a kid fell out of a tree and he killed him. (yeah, we used our old clothes to make the dummy) So he probably had to replace the driver's seat upolstry too, but I'd react the same way now. <shrug> kids don't think.

Mark

[dgunnels]

Can't beat those last couple. Here is a harmless one you can play at the office. I did this to my boss once. Remove ALL the handles on the desk drawer, filing cabinet, etc. Replace the screws with toothpicks so it appears that everything is normal. You may have to use several picks to hold the handles upright. Watch their face when they try to snatch a drawer open. I think my boss went through about six expressions on his face.

[opiethetileman]

well when I worked for a hospitol. They gang in my dept. dared me to take the employyee sugestion box and hook a paper shreaded to it. well I came in on a sunday took the box moved it about 4 foot on a door. cut a slot in it and hooked it up to a shreader. Man it was so damn funny. You would urrrr urrrr paper just being eatin. Welll about an hour later I get a intercom announcement over the pa. For MR WHELAN come to the CEO's office STAT. needless to say i got 2 weeks off without pay. But it is still damn funny to this day.

[overtaker]

My former helper thought he got poison ivy. He went to the drug store for something to take care of it. Days later it was still there so he goes to the E.R. and the Doc. tells him he`s got a type of parasite and gives him an shot to take care of it. He tells me the next day that he didn`t know what the shot was. I told him that just a few weeks ago on the news they were talking about others with the same condition getting a shot of internal parasites to kill off the external ones ( they were a stronger strain :) ). The reason for the news cast was the people were not told that the internal parasites would be inside them forever!!! When he wasn`t looking I called the job superintendent and told him the scoop. He came in later and asked my helper how his poison ivy was. My helper told him the story. The super said " I hope you didn`t get the shot! " Little did we know my helper went back to the E.R. that night ( waited 1.5 hrs. ) to ask the Doc. if he gave him an injection of internal parasites! :lol2:

[John Corley]

In the Marine Corps. when a newbie gets to the unit he "checks in". The check in process takes him to 10 or 15 different offices.

I was in charge of the Armory for my company, you came to me for your weapons issue.

We used to send them to the motorpool for hummer keys, ask for the Gunny, he knows where they are. (Hummers don't have keys in thye military)

We also used to send them all the way over to the air wing to get a coil of "flight line"

Supply for a box of "gridsquares"

Battalion Admin, ask for the Warrant Officer and tell him you just checked in and need a copy of your DD214. "Discharge Paperwork"

The best was ask the warrant officer for your EYE DEE 10 TANGO form
IDIOT

Or to go to supply for some BA 1100 Novembers with S T rings
Balloon with strings.

[Mountain Tile]

when i used to work on the loading dock at thrift drug distribution center, we would get these 18 year old punks shooting their mouths off and agrivating us all day. after we warned them to shut up or else we would shrink wrap them tape them to a pallet lift it on a fork truck about 20 ft. in the air and go to lunch. if they didn't learn their lesson the next time we would shrink wrap them again stack them in a truck headed for another state leave them there for an hour or so then let them off the hook. :yeah:

[verotileguy]

Where would i start?????

Go find the Tile Stretcher...Great for newbies..
Pennies in thinset, Awful if your spreading..
mastic on the underside of anything...
telling newbies to put thinset in bucket first then water.. ( make sure they are mixing away from anything you do not want to clean....
superglue on tilecutter handle
go to the truck and get the dehydrated water...Great for finding out how long they will last.
giving them a box of drywall screw with the tips lopped off to hang durock with, time consuming but funny as hell.
putting some baking soda in a bucket of thinset thier getting ready to mix and then watching as it hardens before they get the paddle out.
Icy-Hot on thier Rac-a tac seat

more to come......gl.

[Davy]

This isn't a joke but kinda funny. I had a helper years ago that liked to fold his money before putting it into his wallet. One day he whipped out his square margin trowel from his back pocket and started mixing thinset with it. The trowel pulled out a bunch of money from his wallet and was in the thinset. He pulled out one that had thinset all over it, threw in over in the corner. He thought it was paper from the thinset bag. I started digging in to it to trowel it on the wall and kept finding more of it. We finally seen what it was, dug out over a hundred bucks out of that bucket. Didn't take him long to gather it up and take it out to the water hose. :D

[verotileguy]

I have tears rolling down my face, reading this post... This is the funnyiest thing ive seen since bush became president...........

[Tile Tech]

Sounds like stuff we used to do to newbies on the flight line back in the Army.

Go get:

1. Bolt stretcher
2. Left-handed torque wrench
3. Forty meters of flight line
4. A gallon of prop wash

Among others.

[flatfloor]

Don't forget sky hooks and saddle stretchers.

[Davestone]

Saddle stretchers Jim?.........You mean like fat girls? :D

[mctile]

here is a good one my uncle pulled in the san francisco bay area. He has been a carpenter for years and is lightning fast with his skill saw. Every time he does cuts there is always someone that tells him he is going to cut his hand off. He decided to bring one of those fake mechanical hands to work, put it in his sleeve with a bunch of ketchup on it and started doing cuts. He ripped the ply, yelled and threw the fake hand in the air. It landed all bloody and moving while he was holding his ketchupy sleeve. His foreman passed out and a labor started barfing before they relaized it was a phony. He was repremanded and almost fired but is now a legend in the bay area.

[jjwq8]

A somewhat mean trick to which I bore witness as a wee stripling.

Jimmy the GF/Works Manager had a permanently aching back and whoever was unfortunate enough to arrive at the site office immediately after him would have the dubious pleasure of applying the RALGEX linament to Jimmy's lower back.

No-one relished this particular chore but John had said he had plans to prevent Jimmy from continuing the practice the next time it was his turn with the RALGEX.

John manfully accepted Jimmy's invitation and deliberately began to apply linament up around Jimmy's ribs. When Jimmy complained that the ache was lower down John replied that the trousers and shorts would need to be lowered if proper access was to be secured.

Much grumbling ensued but the trousers and undies were duly lowered. John then advised Jimmy that the linament could only be properly rubbed in if Jimmy bent forward over a desk to afford a flat working surface. Jimmy complied and seemed pleased with John's conscientiousness.

John then took a huge gob of RALGEX in hand and slapped it liberally over Jimmy's meat and two veg with a parting slap on his smiling ass for good measure.

Rarely has anyone with chronic back pain straightened up so quickly.

Rarely has an office been emptied of anything that fell to hand so comprehensively.

Never has a man a safety boots sprinted the hundred yards back to the van with such alacrity.

Never, and I mean never, had I heard such an unending torrent of invective aimed at anyone seen to have even the tiniest hint of a smile on their lips.

[Davy]

Had a helper once that was raised by his redneck/hillbilly dad. His dad had made many guns and knives, always had guns around the house and of course encouraged his sons to always have a gun or two handy.

My helper was about 13 or so when he borrowed a starter pistol from a friend, the ones that shoot blanks like they use at the track. I don't know why he thought it was a good idea but he walked in the house, walked up to his dad and said "Dad, I don't like you anymore" and started shooting. :eek: His dad was eating at the kitchen table at the time, he went flying, table flipped up side down, food everywhere. He kept shooting. :D

When he told me that story I asked what happened next. He just shook his head and said, I almost died that day. :D

Here's another one from the same guy. His dad's ex-girlfriend showed up at the door one day and begin yelling and arguing about something. She walked back to her car as the two were still bickering. He slowly made his way out to her car as the arguing continued. A cheek full of chewing tobacco was always in his mouth and as he got up close to her, he reached over real fast, pulled her low cut shirt open with his finger and spit down inside her shirt. He told me she shut up after that. :D

[Marge]

That's right folks....this is THE FRIENDLIEST forum on the internet.

Just don't turn your back or leave your shoes out or your lunch box or your vehicle near ANY of these "friendly" people.

Ya know, Dave and I suddenly have a prior engagement on August 19th....