funny!

[Bri]

> The Blonde Painter
>
> This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde
> jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show
> her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at
> work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the
> house.
>
> The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to
> the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the
> distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his
> wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is
> wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and
> asks her if she is OK. She replies, "yes." He asks what is she doing.
> She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
> dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why
> she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading
> the directions on the paint can and they said....
>
> FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

[Sponsored Links]

[John Bridge]

Bri, old buddy, I think you might have gotten yourself into trouble with a couple blonds I know around here. I'll just sit back and watch the fireworks.

Get 'em, girls! :D

[Cami A]

Really, Bri...sheesh...no blonde I know would wear fur and down coats at the same time.:rolleyes:



Makes ya look waaay too fat. ;)

[Sonnie Layne]

please let's not get into blonde jokes.

my daughter is a blonde and I never know when she's gonna be lurking about. :)

but i'll remember that one ;)

[flatfloor]

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest swimmer. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it
took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

[John Bridge]

Hey, doesn't JJ look kinda blonde, or is that just the effect of the wine? :)

[John Bridge]

Jim, I "simulposted." You in trouble too, amigo. :)

[Cami A]

How much wine did you drink? :D

[flatfloor]

St. Brendan, protector of politically incorrect joke tellers will defend me.

[Cami A]

How many blonde men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two....if you slice them very thinly.


Q: What do blonde men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.

Drunk Borg: "Resilience is floor tile."

[flatfloor]

Boo! :D

[Cami A]

Ya know, tile jokes are veerrryy hard to find.

[John Bridge]

Okay, go ahead with your jokes, but I'm here to warn you. Stay away from the Hangout. Sonnie, Duane and Kevin are still having it out about chemical symbols and God only knows what else. They'll be re-working DNA before it's over. Gettin' pretty roudy. ;)

[flatfloor]

It's okay none of them have nuclear capability. :)

[Bri]

Hey..my sister sent me that one..and she's been blonde more than a few times!;) besides, I'm going blonde in my old age..Ok..it's more flesh coloured..but that's almost the same?....right?

[Cami A]

I saw that...it was a flashback to science class...I rested my head on the desk and http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/schlafen/schlafen009.gif...


...and suddenly an eraser flew out of nowhere and smacked me on the head...
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:P5xnXGiHMVEC:www.dick-blick.com/items/229/19/22919-OAww.gif

[flatfloor]

Sister Mary Linguini must have been your teacher. :)

[Sonnie Layne]

HE HE HE

yew ain got know idee, ggood buddee... ah'm a writin gos stories az we speek.

got dat new lew voodoo. on yew :)

[flatfloor]

Oh-oh

[John Bridge]

Sister Linguini ain't got nothin' compared to Sister Dorothea. I may have described her once before, but in case I didn't, she was 4 foot 10 inches tall. (Looked like nine feet to a little kid.) Her general shape sort of diminished from the ground up. The habit, where it touched the ground, made a rough circle whose diameter was about 3 feet. From that point a cone was formed, except that at the top it was squared off (the top of the veil was flat). Somewhere near the top of the cone a face protruded from the starched white linen. The face was not pleasant (especially to a little kid).

She was the principal of our Catholic elementary school. When she snapped her fingers, the Earth stopped.

Back to Linguini.

;)

[Sonnie Layne]

I missed all the fun, I was raised (razed?) in protestant orphanages. Of course I have no tales to tell about such monsters. Everything was quiet, placid, serene and beautiful. Then one day I forgot to take my pill!!! :):)

[flatfloor]

Were you the little kid saying; More Porridge Sir..please?

[Bri]

>.>EXPOSURE
>A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you
aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
>She says, "Why, officer?"
>"Because your breast is hanging out."
>She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD!I left the baby on the bus again!"
>
>OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
>A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to
eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for
two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
>
>When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's
>amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
>The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day."
>"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
>"No, from all that skipping."
>
>RIVER WALK
>There's a blonde out for a walk and she comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the
other side?"
>The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts
back, "You are on the other side."
>
>KNITTING
>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing inside the car, he was astounded to see the blonde behind the wheel
was knitting! Realizing she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULL OVER!"
>NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>
>BLONDE ON THE SUN
>A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!"
>The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
>The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
>The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
>"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
>To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know!!. We're going at
night!"
>
>SPEEDING TICKET
>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you
expect me to show it to you!"
>
>THE VACUUM
>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and she
landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was,"If you are in a vacuum and
someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>
>FINAL EXAM
>The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists
entirely of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the test for five minutes, and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin
and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator,
alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam inhalf an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
>
>THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
>A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy,
took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child.
Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park
tomorrow at 7 A.M.
Signed, The Blonde"

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
$10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note...
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another!"
>
>AND NOW THE STUPID PART . . . . . .
>When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface, including
glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
The Russians use a pencil.

[Cami A]

<sigh> Now you've forced me to do this, Bri...


Really, Really Bad Men Jokes...

How do single men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it...

What does a man consider a seven course meal to be?
A hot dog and a 6 pack.

(I've got a book with proof of the last one....:D)

[Bri]

MORE! MORE!... haha

[Paul D.]

Hey Bri,

Is that NASA joke true?

[Sonnie Layne]

...and then of course there's

what's the difference between men and municipal bonds?

the bonds mature.

I've got a blonde joke, but it's too long to type out right now, those were good ones. Of course being that my sweetie and my daughter are both blonde, I have to really watch my step around here :)