Edna

[jjwq8]

EDNA

Happy Birthday, I'd bake you a Possum Pie but I wouldn't know where to send it :D

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[Mike2]

Happy Birthday from me too Edna. Although I have to say I am somewhat surprised.....that there was a birth that is. :D

You're looking might fine there girl....great moves....going dancing tonight I see.

[Edna]

Why thank you boys, how sweet of you to think of me.

I am having a partee twonight and yure welcome to join us. You don’t have to bring any presents (just kidding of course). I due like animals and there’s sum in particular I want: A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it. he he he. I gist made that up, gitten tipsey on gin maybee.

Actually today is not my reel birthday, it’s the day they found me in the woods. I was just a small child then, didn’t have no papers or nothing. Sum say I was raised by a she-wolf, but I no it was morein likely a werewolf.

[Albert]

well if you was rased by a warewolf then you must be hairy. when the moon is out.

i dint no you lyked gin. its my favrite health drink.

you is pretty good wit dat animal thing. made me laff edna, you did. me, i don’t want no animals. cept my wife say iam fullof fish. she say i gotta mullet head, a catfish brain, salmon breath, a croaker in the back of my pants and a minnow in the front.

she gotta whalebutt anda red snapper so we’re eben.

albert

[flatfloor]

Sorry I missed the party Edna, I do have a fondness for gin. Did you know that's what fueled the British navy? That was in the days of wooden ships and iron men.;)

[Edna]

Thank you boys. Albert, you bake a possum pie and don't send it no where. I don't eat no stinkin possum. Now you fix up a mees of coon stew, dat's a hole nother matter. That i eat plenty of, you can send that to me anytyme.

Flatfleur, I didn't no the british navy used gin as fuel back in them olden days. I thought it was all the 'wind' they could direct at the sails by eating bangers and mashers each mornin.

Oh i almost forget, i got this cute little birthday card from one'a my grandkids who just joined the marines and is in boot camp, sumplace they call paris island. Here goes the letter.



Dear Granny:

I am well. Hope you are. Happy Birthday to. Next time you see my Brother Walt and Brother Elmer, tell them the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving granddaughter,
Lorna

[flatfloor]

Edna, by any chance is your grandchilds name Lorna Lust? If so I think she's posing for pichurs in Hustler.

[Albert]

der fatfur,

if thats ednas grandotter then i worried. i bet she cant holda drink like edna tho.

edna,
i mite hafta cook up summore of dat coon stew. my mouth waters jusss thinkin bout it. john say i drool alot when i standin 'round.

that gravy in the coon stew is so sweet. donteven get any bread forit. like i tole you, juss soak up dat gravy with cutup pieces of grout sponge and chaw on em reel good. be sure to takeout your teef first. i cood sitaround allnite juss dippin that grout sponge in the gravy and chawin it reel good.

i droolin rite now on melias conputer. she gets mad wheni doit. i better cleanitup now.

albert

[Edna]

Albert, i havta tell my little lorna bout yure grout sponge trick. Thata bee good for her to suck on during those little route marches she talks about in boot camp. I doan no if she ever had coon stew but i no she'd like it. Anything with tails in it wift the hair left on is always good. I ain't taught her howta hold a glass right like i due. She still kinda skinny on top if yu no what i mean.

flatflop, i doan no what yu get outta reading them hustler masgazines. Course when you got the case of the flops, maybe it make sum sense. My little lorna look a little like that lustsy chick 'cept lorna ain't so skinny and frail looking.

Lorna has always been a favorite of mine. She was wift her grandpa out in the bush the day the cougar got him. Cougar might hungry, ate everything, even his underware. But fisety lil lorna stepped right in the middle of all that fuss and grabbed his suspenders before the courgar ate them too. Now we have something to remember him by, suspenders hanging right up above the fireplace.

[Mike2]

:D So now what do you want to talk about flatflop?
:rofl: :rofl:

[jjwq8]

Mike,

This lipstick thing....


Is that before or after you kissed the girls and made tem cry?:D

[Mike2]

:D

I ain't talking while the flavor lasts.

[jjwq8]

Then I earnestly suggest you avoid kissing any female whilst she has a fileting knife in her hands :D

[Albert]

deer jerkemy,

i dont no. i wood gladly kiss anywoman who cleans my fish four me. i used to cook the fishheds but now i cuttemoff and usem to bate my coon traps.

edna, what you talkin bout hairy tales in the coon stew? you shure no how to cook girl. most people dont no the rite way to cook coon and they cut the tale off and throwit away or putit on there hat. it beelongs in the stew.

albert

[Hobbit]

Hey Flatflop......whats up buddy?

Nothin??:D


:rofl: :D :rofl:

[flatfloor]

I think I best be quiet for a bit, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed. :shake: :twitch:

[Mike2]

Hobbit, this is something we haven't seen before...

I think I best be quiet for a bit, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed. :shake: :twitch:

musta' been the unskinned tails in the coon stew , eh? :shades:

[Derek & Jacqui]

Jim,
I thought it was rum that fueled the Royal Navy, I know that dad always said he was quite happy when it was his turn to deal out the rum ration.:D

[flatfloor]

Aw whaddayou guys know? :D Go ahead ruin a perfectly good obfuscation. ;)

[jjwq8]

how can you ruin something you can't spell? :D

[flatfloor]

Thank you Jeremy, rune is correct. :p

[Hobbit]

You got it right Jim.....

I think Q8 has had too much of that tainted "water" to drink.;)

:):)

[jjwq8]

The reference was to folks in general, not those of us truly enlighted souls who thanks to our devotion to the acquisition of knowledge (and vintage scotch) know how to spell propurrlee. :D

[flatfloor]

Hmph !

[Albert]

deer flatfire,

dont let them folks get you down, pretendin like they neber had a day when they gotta bad batch of thinset or grout or whateber, and had two rippit out and start allover.

some days is juss like that.

most days eberythings wurks juss fine.

albert

[flatfloor]

Thank you Albert, you're a gentleman and a scholar. :)

[Edna]

mr. fatfleur, wood yu like me to come over dare to yure place and give yu a big possum hug. It might cheer yu up sum. I doan like my friends to be down in the ditch. I could show yu where I hide my copenhaggen. Eye no that wood put a smile on your face again.

[jjwq8]

Run Jim fercrissakes.

Any woman offering your her Danish dairy products and bacon is trouble :D

[flatfloor]

S'nuff to restore one's faith in mankind. :p

[jjwq8]

Doncha mean "Oh Man!" kind?

[flatfloor]

No:)